I got a PM from a newlywed who wanted to know how my husband and I had been able to stay together through the years. (She has been divorced a few times.)
This was my reply:
Always laugh together - everyday. Not a day goes by that we don't laugh. We entertain each other with amusing stories; play practical tricks on each other My favorite one is to hide around the corner from where ever he goes in the house and when he comes by - jump out - it's silly but even after 27 years (in August) we both are amused. (It started after seeing a silly video on America's Funniest Videos. Some old guy comes home and shouts, "Honey, I'm home". The wife sings-songs back "I'm in the closet". I have absolutely no idea what it meant but we found it funny...)
My husband's father and grandfather were writers so they were storytellers and Peter inherited that quality. He can tell stories that are quite amusing. We find each other very interesting and he likes my sense of humor. I like his,too; but he thinks I am very funny and I like that.
We get each other and what makes the other “tick”.
We rarely argue and we never fight or shout at each other. Back when we had been married a few months; we got into a pretty big argument over whatever. In the middle of it, Peter said, “So I guess this means you don’t love me.” Stopped me dead in my tracks. My answer was “What the “f” does that mean? Of course I love you”. He answered that he thought because we were fighting I didn’t love him. I explained that I was just mad but I loved him nonetheless. I could almost see the light bulb going off in his head. He thought for a moment and then said, “Well, I love you too but I’m mad.” And then we both started laughing. After that the arguments became less and less.
We somehow figured out a way to decide when something meant more to the other than to ourselves and just let it go. It really is true about “Don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s all small stuff.” And short of death or a heart attack, it’s all pretty much small stuff.
We also are able to sense when the other one is having a bad time or hurting and become strong to assist. It was never a spoken thing; it just happened.
We are honest with each other.
When one of us is being an ass or a bitch; we tell the other. If Peter tells me, “You’re being a bitch,” usually I start laughing and when I tell him he’s being an ass; he does the same. If I’m being especially bitchy, I just leave the room until the mood passes. He rarely leaves the room. He’s far more even-tempered than I am.
We never tried to change each other – other than I tried to get him to eat fish (never have) and chicken – he eats it but “complains” that I cook it too often. Now if you ask me, there’s just something wrong with somebody who doesn’t like fried chicken.
We spend most of our time together. We both owned our own businesses and shared office space - so since about 1985, we have literally been together pretty much 24/7. This is something that works well for us; but I know lots of successful marriages where the partners don’t spend as much time together.
We are best friends.
We never took separate vacations. The only time we have been apart more than a day was because of a family emergency – no other reason.
We both enjoy sex.
We share common interests: we like to read; we love to watch movies and TV together. He likes to eat at home and I love to cook.
We have both been faithful. We share a like philosophy; we know how much it would hurt to learn the other had cheated and would never want to make the other hurt that much.
But laughing and having fun together – that’s the best.
Why My Marriage Works
posted 2 months ago
Comments
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- 1. about 1 month ago TexnBob wrote:
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This was great reading. Having a works-in-a-drawer spouse for a partner is really special to me also. My wife has, "It's a Wonderful Life" posted in the kitchen over our stove, to remind us each day how fortunate we are to have each other.
- 2. about 1 month ago photoone wrote:
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Two lucky people. I do believe the sense of humor and ability to laugh at one's self are the keys. Certainly a common goal and both pulling in the same direction are essential. My hubby and I are not joined at the hip, we allow each other to have interests that don't interest the other (I love football, he hates it: He likes boxing, I hate it). Our backgrounds are very different, which adds spice to the mix. And we remind each other daily of our good fortunes and the unlikely miracle that brought us together, the internet.
- 3. 15 days ago TestofF8th wrote:
- Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary. I love the title of this blog because it says it all. Marriages that work take work, no simple task and too few people are willing to do that. It's wonderful that through it all, you continue to enjoy being in the company of each other.
- 4. 15 days ago mallard6842 wrote:
- I envy you two! I know it isn't easy, but you have found the elements that work for you. Congratulations and happy anniversary!
- 5. 15 days ago MtnGirl53 wrote:
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"We also are able to sense when the other one is having a bad time or hurting and become strong to assist. It was never a spoken thing; it just happened."
I think the laughter and mutual interests are a wonderful key to a successful marriage, but I also think that the above is so excellent. You are truly there for each other.
Congratulations and thanks for the inside look at a marriage that works. - 6. 15 days ago DesertDeb wrote:
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This is a wonderful piece and I am so happy for you both!
deb
