In a recent visit we were having lunch with three other women who were in varying stages of dementia. As she pushed her walker down the hall, hunched over, she turned to me and said” some of those women are on their third coffins”. Although I am very much in favor of empathic humor, and not a proponent of sarcasm, I still relish the fact that my mom is capable of laughing at life.
I have done many seminars for cancer patients, survivors and their families and have been in awe of their amazing ability to laugh at what would make most of us shudder. My daughter Laurie was recently diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I can not begin to tell you the shock I felt. She takes very good care of herself, and ironically is the owner of a Pilate’s studio. Halfway through the conversation she started laughing. She stated that she should have been a couch potato and ate lots of fries, burgers, and soda instead of her veggies, fruits, and fish. However, we all know that cancer does not often distinguish between the healthy and the unhealthy.
Almost two years ago I had my hip replaced and before I went into the operation I found myself using humor to ease my fear of going under the knife. The nurses who prepped me were totally into it because I had been there to do a workshop for them. It was four days before Christmas and they had gotten funny hats to wear in my honor. They were all shocked at how low my blood pressure was just before an operation. But it makes sense if you read the literature behind the science of laughter, feel good chemicals rush forth with each giggle and help the body stay less stressed.
There is research now that even shows that laughter may even help prevent heart disease because of its ability to expand capillary function. Life is going to hand you lemons, but you may be better off laughing than making lemonade. It is not an easy task to find humor in bad situations but you don’t have to start at the extreme. We have many opportunities to manifest humor in the day to day. I often believe that I am in the midst of a sitcom as I go through my day. My observational skills have always been my greatest asset. And they go into high gear whenever my radar senses absurdity. I have found myself laughing more at T.V. commercials then at the actual shows they represent. I especially love the ones that are about drugs. They spend more time giving the negative effects from the drug than the benefits. By the time their done you wonder what’s the point? I’ll die from trying to cure myself.
If you think humor is a difficult model to incorporate into your life, ease into it. We all have the ability to laugh, and if we haven’t for some time than we need to get a physical and mental checkup. Do the following no matter what:
1. Ask your friends for a humor diagnosis...Have they found you becoming too serious?
2. Are you starting to become overly devoted to whining and in sync with the dark side of life?
3. Does your face have a perpetual woe is me look?
4. When other people around you are laughing are you thinking “what’s so funny?”
5. Do you find yourself agreeing with individuals who tell you that the world is going to hell in a hand basket and we’re near the end days of the world?
6. Is Mozart’s funeral march the only music you listen to?
7. Do you spend more time thinking about what’s wrong vs. what’s right?
8. When’s the last time you had a really good belly laugh?
9. Have you put black cloths over any pictures in your home that reflect happiness?
10. Do you feel that everyday is just another day to grin and bear it?
Hopefully you did not see yourself in the majority of those questions, but if you did then take action immediately you are spiraling into the abyss of depression. The irony of recovery from clinical depression is that one of the signs that you have begun healing is the ability to see humor. My suggestion is to use rehabilitation as a metaphor for living and do it in advance. If they take you away after you’ve had a nervous breakdown they will medicate you, put you into therapy and have you color and make baskets. This probably sounds harsh but the reality of life on this earth is that we will probably suffer.
My mantra has become “don’t practice when it’s not happening” Create ways to entertain yourself as you move through the days of your life. Those tasks that feel the most mundane can be infused with playfulness. Driving in traffic is a wonderful way to chill out, play music and sing your heart out, or listen to your favorite comic. Standing in line at the supermarket or any line for that matter is a perfect vehicle to connect and laugh with strangers. Make sure you watch funny movies often and especially with loved ones, it keeps life in balance. Don’t take yourself seriously no matter how old you are because no one is getting out of here alive. And you might accelerate that process if you don’t laugh often.
