“Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.” – Groucho Marx view link

Greetings, darlings. I’ve cried so much lately, I may have to switch to water-proof mascara. POOR Tim Russert dropping dead... sob.. and the news about Paul Newman having the big “C” ( and looking dreadfully ill in some recent pics) and of course we are all worried, but hopeful, about Patrick Swayze and his brave and manly man battle with pancreatic cancer..

So let’s try to buck up and find , if not the silver lining to the melancholy clouds, at least some silliness lining the celeb dish.

Huh?

I’m not sure what I meant either, cuties, but let’s get this gossip party started!
Remember the mega-rich, one time jailbird ( for tax evasion) and now dead Leona Helmsley?She had a lot of trouble. Make that Trouble – her pet dog. And she left that little white cutie a $10 million inheritance to live a life of pooch luxury.

Well, Helmsley’s two-footed heirs had a bone to pick with her four-footed baby and took it to court. This just in: Manhattan Surrogate Court Judge Renee Roth just sliced Trouble's inheritance from $12 million to $2 million on grounds that Helmsley was mentally unfit when she made her will.
Actually, the ruling went down April 30th, but it was buried and not released to the public until today. Hopefully, the 2 mil will keep Trouble in treats and diamond dog collars for the rest of his pampered life.

Double Oscar-winning actor Kevin Spacey (who is still inexplicably so far in the closet he’s practically living with coat hangers – yep, THAT closet – although his sexual preferences are about as secret as those of the late Liberace) has just been named Visiting Professor of Contemporary Theatre at St Catherine's College, Oxford. He’s settled in Britain nicely, dontcha know, and is also artistic director of The Old Vic Theatre Company.

Speaking of jolly ol’ England reminds me of my fave band, The Rolling Stones, who are pooh poohing reportsthey are nixing long-term record company EMI to join concert promoter Live Nation. Ok. I can’t say this is true or not, but I hear from a VERY reliable source this isn’t the last word on the situation and do not be surprised if, in fact, Mick and the boys jump ship by the fall.

Live Nation Inc already has closed deals with Madonna and Jay-Z, reportedly worth $120 million and $150 million . The company appeals to artists going after not only traditional recording deals but increasingly mega-buck producing touring and merchandising revenues.
Did someone mention Madonna ? Why I believe I just did and was that her head that was just twirling round and round like something out of the old “Omen” movie? Could be. You see, darlings, she has been blind-sided by her baby brother, gay and outlandish Christopher Ciccone.
It seems money is thicker than water – or blood relatives – and he got a gazillion dollar deal for a book entitled, natch, "Life With My Sister Madonna" .

You can get your paws on it July 15 . Chris and Madonna were THIS CLOSE back in the l980s and she jump-started his interior design career... well, she actually WAS his interior design career ( he “did” her multiple homes multiple times).

But a little birdie, or ten, told me that he and his hard partying crowd drover her guy friends and her Guy husband, specifically, nuts.

And little bro , supposedly, liked chemical fun, if you get my drift... and he also got into some kind of a snit with big sis over the years. So all I know before reading the book is, I bet it is loaded with DIRT but what on earth could he tell us we haven’t heard , or seen, about Madonna ( after all, remember her full frontal self in her own book "Sex"? Oh, you did TOO take a peek at it, don’t lie!)

Gay? Icon? Oh, I just LOVE it when segues are this easy.... so all this brings us to – ta da – John Waters. And Janet Charleton, whom I adore, just spilled the beats that – get this – Melanie “ I’ve Had So Much Plastic Surgery I can Hardly Close My Eyes or Open My Pout Trout Mouth” Griffith has given the director BEAUTY advice.

Really.

I am NOT making this up.
Melanie and John Waters have been buds since she starred in his movie "Cecil B DeMented" in 2000. Anyhoo, John had been thinking about getting his trademark pencil-thin mustache tattooed on, but Melanie said don’t do it because something she had tattooed on didn’t last ( hmmm, wonder what it was?? Eye brows? Lip liner? Eyeliner? Areola liner?)

While , sort of, on the subject of plastic surgery, have you heard the latest buzz about why pushing-50 heart throb George Clooney broke up with pushing-30 model Sarah Larson? Supposedly, he didn’t like her boob job. He must like itty bitty titties or at least real ones.. here’s a pic of the once happy couple when Sarah was an A cup instead of C or D she is now.

That’s it for this edition of Gossip Au Go Go. Come on and add your snipes, snits, hits and picks... and go out there and do something so BOOMerific people gasp, “ I haven’t had eons of naughty fun like this since I stumbled over Madonna’s "Sex" book!”