She was someone who showed interest in my little drawings, no one had bothered up until then. I remember her helping me with a face I was trying to get just right.
I liked her; she was pretty and had a nice smile.
At eleven Dad took two of my brothers to live with him and Lois while my older sister went to live with my grandmother. I stayed behind for two years being mommy to three younger siblings and to my mother.
When I was 13 I was invited to live with Dad and Lois. I was so thrilled! I was promised a room to myself and a better life.
Lois helped me with school projects and cooked meals everyday but she showed jealousy and was angry with my brothers and me a lot. She showed favoritism to her son and wouldn’t allow my brothers to sleep in a real bed with blankets. They slept in sleeping bags.
There were countless accounts of abuse going on and I thought it was all Lois’s fault. She WAS the wicked stepmother.
But than Lois began to bring my family together. She invited my mom and stepfather for Christmas and Easter. She and my mom started making and selling crafts together. She became friends with my mother and I never understood how hard that had to be for her.
As time passed we became a blended family, dysfunctional, but we all had each other and spent all the holidays under one roof.
I grew up and carried hate and anger towards Lois but at 26 something magical happened. I saw how blessed I was and realized it wasn’t all about me; there was the other sides of my family’s story. There was Mom’s side, Lois’s side and each of my siblings had a side. This included my stepbrother and even my father.
I called Lois and asked her to forgive me. Yes, I asked her to forgive me! I had hated her, blamed her for taking my father away, I never once thought about how difficult it was for her. We became closer at that point. For the next 15 years, whenever I needed someone to talk to, she was there. I would call her feeling sad and she would say, “I’m not going to let you off this phone until I hear you laugh” and that alone would make me laugh.
If I had good news, she would be the first to hear. She really became my mother.
In 1994 Lois was 57 and was diagnosed with uterine cancer. The saddest part was the Dr’s had ignored her for so long, it was too late to save her.
At the time all of this was going on I was working as a nursing assistant in a hospital while preparing to take the LPN boards.
I ran into the oncologist at the hospital and asked if he would see Lois, maybe just maybe something could be done. Lois and Dad lived an hour away, so with the Doctor’s OK, I called them and asked them to meet me in the ER where the good Doctor admitted her. It was Saturday, and on Monday they would scan her body to see how bad it really was.
Monday rolled around only to give us bad news. Lois had only weeks to live. She had become my best friend. What was I going to do?
She was sent home but was struggling with everything and my dad was helpless too.
I drove the hour away every spare chance I had but it became too hard. Lois asked if I would be with her and take care of her until the end, and of course it was what I wanted too. So we found a place closer to me where Dad and Lois could move into and moved them within a weeks time.
I took a leave of absence from work and stayed with Dad and Lois day and night. Lois and I had long talks and during those rougher moments we cried together.
She was so brave and unselfish. This woman had grown dramatically over the years. She actually had me go out and buy new bathroom accessories she thought was manlier for my dad so he would have something new after she was gone. She wrote out names of the family and taped them to her belongings, leaving them to ones she thought would enjoy them. She talked to me about her childhood, which was almost worse than mine.
She cried as she spoke about missing her father who had committed suicide when she was 9. She said she felt abandoned by him and that she was going to have her body buried on top of his just to force him to finally take care of her. She laughed when she said this, as if she was proud that she finally figured out a way to be with him.
Several weeks later, after countless times of putting Lois down to bed, it would be the last.
It wasn’t long after she closed her eyes, she went into a deep sleep. When I went back to wake her for her night time dose of medicine, she wouldn’t respond and I noticed her labored breathing. She seems to be struggling and I felt so bad for her. I crawled up and lay by her with my arms around her weeping. My friend, my dear friend was really leaving. I spoke to her in a gentle voice thanking her for her love and friendship and for teaching me about forgiveness. I assured her I would do my best to take care of Dad ; not to worry, all would be all right. I told her we loved her and I knew she would always live on in our hearts forever.
I finally realized I better call my Dad in so he could spend these last moments with his partner of so many years. He could hardly contain his anger. Dad knew only to react in anger to anything that frightened him.
As Dad left the room, I took my place back with my arms around Lois for the last time. She than quickly and quietly slipped away.
