Using a weed-whacker, weed-eater, gas trimmer, or whatever you choose to call it can save you a lot of work, but in my case, not much time. In case you never used one, here are some tips.

First, to start it, push in the compression button, or the gas bulb, if your unit is equipped with one or both of those. Then flip the choke lever, and pull the rope to start. Then pull the rope to start it, and then pull the rope to start it, and then pull the rope to start it…….

Should it happen to start, immediately push down on the ‘safety switch’ (unless you have disabled that aggravating little piece of %&$# like I have by wrapping electrical tape around it forcing it to never be engaged) and quickly pull the trigger to rev it up. Once it’s going, put the strap around your neck and pull one arm through it. This will allow it to hang around your neck like a big awkward noisy cinder block with a piece of pipe sticking out of it with half a pie plate on the end. Adjust the strap as required and put it back on; if it’s too long or too short do it again, and again, and again until it is somewhat comfortable. (Tip: if somebody wants to borrow your weed-whacker, don’t give them the strap that you just spent 10 minutes adjusting to fit you. However, if it’s a woman, make an exception and give it to her. If it’s a man, say something like, “Oh, you want the ‘girlie-strap’? He will say ‘No’ and never ask again.)

Head out to the yard.

Put on your safety glasses and your dust mask. Start whacking; do that for 15 seconds, and then take off the safety glasses and wipe the fog off of them so that you can see, and put them back on. Start whacking again; do that for 10 seconds, and then take off the safety glasses and wipe the fog off of them so that you can see. Make a decision as to which is more important, your lungs or your eyes. Lose the mask.

Now that you can see again, look at what you thought you just did. Note that you haven’t trimmed anything and there isn’t much line hanging out of the half pie plate on the end of the pole. Tap it on the ground to get more line to emerge; tap it again, tap it again, tap it again. Slam it to the ground. Flip it over, and try to push in the bottom and pull the line out manually. (If you successfully disabled the safety devices, you can do this while it’s still running!) If the line won’t pull out manually shut the trimmer off and turn the knob to release the spool so that you can see what the problem is.

Once you realize that you can’t turn the knob, go to the garage and get a tool. Turn the knob until you figure out that it still won’t turn. Read the bottom of the thing and discover that you have to turn the knob clockwise to loosen, and counter-clockwise to tighten. (I think my weed-whacker was made in South China; if yours was made in North China it might be reversed.) Take the knob off to grab the spool, watch for the spring that may fly out. Check out the spool, and when you discover it’s empty, go to the garage and get more line. Bring the line back to the yard to put it in the spool. Go back to the garage to get the book that came with the weed-whacker so that you can figure out how to put the line on the spool. Be sure and wind it tightly also making sure that the two parallel lines don’t overlap. Crawl around the grass until you find the spring and put it back in the unit. Did your line unwind while you were looking for the spring? If so, start over and wind it again.

Put the spool back in the weed-whacker and put the knob back on remembering to screw it on backwards. Put your safety glasses back on and get started again. Work for about five minutes until the weed-whacker shuts itself off. Check to make sure that all safety devices are disabled still. If they are, unscrew the gas cap. Go to the pole barn to get gas. No, not that gas, the gas with oil in it; go to the garage and get gas. Fill the tiny little tank with the gas/oil mixture and fire it up again. Go back out to the yard and spend another 10 minutes. You’re done.