Since the one year anniversary is coming up, the anniversary of my grandson Ethan's terrible brush with death, when he suffered several seizures and was pronounced clinically dead, I find myself struggling to deal with this horrible tragedy. We've been through so much, Ethan's family. Originally the doctor's claimed that he'd "dry drowned", because the incident began in the pool. Those same doctors told us, in the coldest manner imaginable, that he would never wake up, that he would never come out of his coma, but he did. And although he had severe brain damage, he made real progress, learning to eat and to speak a few words.

Tragedy struck again. After suffering another seizure, and then two more, he went to another hospital, and we found out that it was his little heart all along. They implanted a defibulator and now it goes off and starts the heart to beating again. But the brain damage he suffered has diminished his abilities. He cannot eat, he cannot talk, he is learning to move again. This is so sad. So pointless. Had he been diagnosed early on...well, unfortunatly he wasn't.

What can you do? How do you handle this kind of pain and loss?

I have learned how, by watching Ethan's maternal grandparents. They truly are inspirational people. Words cannot express my admiration and gratitude. Ethan has such a wonderful family. I live ninety miles away and cannot assist with his daily care. My contribution is monetary for the most part. And I provide moral support and visit as much as I can. (The high cost of fuel doesn't not help!)

Anyway, I haven't brought up the anniversary to anyone. It's too sad to talk about. I put a song on my profile page, Mad World. This haunting song says it all, how I feel.