sunday may 4th 2008

Feelings are never 'dumb and silly', but acting on them without thinking about the consequences usually is...and sometimes it can be downright dangerous.

'what am i supposed to do':
Counseling, go without hubby if he won't go.
Take Dear Abby's perrennial advice and decide if you are better off (emotionally as well as materially...i think more importantly than materially) with or without hubby. Do not even let his friend be part of that equation. If you're better off with hubby...recommit yourself to improving marriage, reducing fighting. If not...end it...then 'look' for a more suitable partner.

It is normal to have a 'crush' on a friend or relative who displays a pleasanter nature than a spouse. But remember it is easy for them to be nice/sweet to us because they don't live with us on a daily basis and have a history of 'issues' with us. What is more, and this applies whichever gender is involved, the sweet/nice friend/brother/sister....sometimes turns out to be an opportunist who was extra sweet/nice because they saw someone who was vulnerable due to marital discord.

You may feel this way toward your hubby's friend because you're not getting what you need out of your relationship. This person looks very attractive to you because you're comparing him to your husband, and if your husband is always yelling at you, the other guy is bound to look even better. The other guy does have faults, though. Have you considered that he has a "dark side?" I would suggest doing some soul-searching as to whether you want to stay in your marriage. If so, feywon is right--get some counseling, with or without hubby. Most counselors do require both partners to be there, not at first maybe, but eventually. Marriage is a two-way street--your hubby will have to make some effort to improve things, too.