This week I did several radio interviews and lectures on the subject of my book, Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship between Adult Children and Parents. I heard stories from mothers who waited a long time, suffering every hour, until their grown kids came back to them.
One woman called in to a radio show and told about her son and his wife, who dropped her completely when they got married seven years ago, because her daughter-in-law disapproved of her marital status. Then this year, out of the blue, she heard from her son, whose three-year-old child wanted to know his grandma. Without a word of apology, he started up a long-distance relationship. She is full of pain and rage—she hadn’t know the child even existed—but she is falling in love with the little boy, even if it’s long distance. It is killing her to accept her son back, without an apology, but she doesn’t want to lose him again. I agreed that she had a right to be angry, and suggested that she go slowly and one day have a talk with her son about what she suffered. It turns out that my just telling her that she was justified in being furious made her feel better.
The second woman has three sons, one of whom divorced his whole family on religious grounds, and for five long years, they didn’t hear from him. They suffered, but their wise advisors counseled them to wait. Lo and behold, the wayward son and his family returned to the fold. Just last year, the daughter-in-law said to this woman’s husband, “I wish I had a father like you.” The second mother sensed an apology in her words.
These women experienced labor pains for too many years, but like labor, having their children with them seems to make the suffering bearable.
On Mother’s Day, think of all the parents who are waiting for their kids to come home.