Who We Really Are

posted 2 months ago

There is always this faint, underlying question in our minds as we interact with others online as to who that person might really be. It is not so much that we believe the trim, blonde 54-year-old woman in L.A. is really a 13-year-old boy in Omaha, but that the 54-year-old woman is really 64, grossly overweight with grey hair and that the husband she speaks of so lovingly doesn't actually exist at all. Or that nice guy we have been exchanging PM's with who claims to be single and solvent, is in fact, married with two therapists and a parole officer.

This is always the risk in cyber space -- that the person we are dealing with is a persona of the real person, an alter ego, a fanciful facade. But I wonder if this is always a bad thing. Unless we have visions of meeting up in real life, of pursuing what seems like a promising love relationship in the flesh, as it were, does it really matter who that person truly is, as long as their online personality and stories are consistent?

Because who are we really, anyway, but the sum total of our stories, the incidents that have made up the fabric of our lives.

If someone chooses to create a new backstory and current fictional life for themselves in order to feel better about themselves, is this such a terrible thing? If we are not being conned out of our money or our love, is it so naive of us to simply take our online contacts at face value, to allow them to be who and what they want to be when they are online with us?

Everyone needs a fresh start from time to time, needs relief from being who they really are. How many times have we read or heard the expression, 'Sucks to be you.' Or 'Sucks to be me.' If it really does suck to be you, is it so awful to be able to leave that life that sucks, if only for a brief time on the internet, where you can once again be young, and good looking, and prosperous, and self-confident, with lots of friends who like you?

I take everyone as they present themselves to me. I ask no probing questions in an attempt to pry apart the carapace that might be shielding the fragile person inside. I like everyone just as they are. And if 'just as they are' is just as they are only online, that's good enough for me. I don't need more from anyone than that.

Comments

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1. 2 months ago moondancerinred wrote:

This is wonderful. What a grand way to put all this cyber friendship in the proper framework!

2. 2 months ago mshadow22 wrote:

You have a good outlook. I generally take people online for who they present themselves to be, but I have found that if they are being deceptive or are not what they portray the truth does eventually seep out. Thus far this has proven true in every person I've known online. I've met a very chosen few.

3. 2 months ago IrishRose2007 wrote:

Excellent, excellent argument!...everyone should have their own "space" free from critical appraisal/judgement...I think the social networks are a great form of relatively free therapy...to a certain degree, online we are unfettered by the physical/economic/social aspects of our lives...and we all need to feel accepted in some manner...and the added bonus of these forums is that we can broadcast expression (communicate our thoughts, display our artwork, etc.) outside our intimate circle.

4. 2 months ago johnH56 wrote:

Must admit to very mixed feelings about this blog.

Sure there is something about this persona thought. Sure everyone is entitled to a fantasy existence.

But, and maybe this is just my rural upbringing, what's the point to 'putting on airs" as the folks use to say. Sooner or later, reality will intrude and pop any fantasy.

Shouldn't any intereaction - on line or not- have some element of "value" in the exchange. Without "value"-- whatever that might mean to you-- what is the point of making and sustaining a connection. Why invest the energy and time? Why risk disappointment and other negative results from a "persona" interaction?

It is not that every interaction has to result in a life long friendship or more but shouldn't an exchange have some possibility for such a friendship to occur. Yes people come and go from our lives. But isn't there something that each leaves behind? Can a "persona" leave anythig behind?

Wondering what all this means as we evolve with this new means to connect

5. 2 months ago lakelady53 wrote:

Hi, for me it is nice to get to the real people behind the screen name, especially as we become friends. I have been so blessed here at eons to met some wonderful friends who are not a screen name. We interact off eons by phone, and email, pixs, ect. I know some informally and not sure if they are different than who they portray on the net. I like having a profile here at eons that will let a person share as much of the "real" person they are, or want to share. Mine is down to earth. I was scared at first sharing so much of real self here. I had a bad experience at another social site. I know eons has its issues, but most are good and kind people. I do know some create a fantasy persona, and I also have mixed feelings about that. I always try to think of replies as I respond especially to those I don't know well yet. It is a different world with the net than it used to be that it for sure. I worry some may be very depressed, ect and my comments could hurt rather than help and so on. I hope we all just think before we write and take time to know each other as best we can. Blessings!

6. 2 months ago KarenBee wrote:

Marti, you are a very wise woman.....

7. 2 months ago hazelgreen wrote:

very interesting thoughts. I have met several people in person, that I initially met online and overall have been happy I did so. My experience has been that those I have met have been pretty much who they seemed to be, both online and in real life. I have either been lucky or just have a good radar/intuition.

One of my best friends is a 50-ish woman in New York that I have corresponded with for over 2 years now. We have never yet met face to face and I look forward to meeting her one day. We are both hetero females with almost grown up kids, and just have a lot in common, so we clicked as penpals. also we both like emailing back and forth so that has kept our friendship alive.

I love the internet, it has broadened my horizons so much in the last 10 years. Meeting new people this way has been a great plus.

8. 2 months ago DixieDreg wrote:

well said.

i ponder the same things.

9. 2 months ago chumphrey wrote:

We are all different people many times every day. I do not converse with my mother about the same things or in the same style as I converse with my co-workers. I do not behave with my children the way I behave with my collaborative artistic partners. I do not talk to my boss the way I talk to my significant other. When I am the student, I behave one way; when I am the teacher, I behave another way altogether. I can be very quiet around folks I don't know or boisterous around my good friends. All of these behaviors (and these are only a few) are part of ME, and I'm sure you'll find the same is true for you. Just spend a day listening to your tone of voice and how it changes depending on who you're talking to. Is an online persona any different than the zillion others I wear every day? Probably not.

10. 2 months ago trippin wrote:

I believe in honesty. I also believe we are all very fragile in some ways.

I believe we have all felt the exact same feelings, to varying degrees, at different times in our lives. In that sense, through those feelings we all have or have had, we can always understand each other and we are as one. We are immediately and eternally connected because of our mutual feelings…we can all always empathize with each other.

I have tattoos. There was a time I never hid them. Now, when I go out to a place I have never been, I wear long sleeved shirts so people don’t see them and prejudge me. As I grow closer to certain people, new folks that I meet, I start rolling up my sleeves and let the tips of my tattoos begin to show. The closer I get to these people I connect with the more apt I am to wear short sleeved shirts, no shirt or shorts so the tattoos on my left calf and chest can be seen if the opportunity presents itself. I am more comfortable with myself, with folks seeing me as I really am, because we first connected on a real level – through empathic feelings - and the way I look does not matter, little by little, to either my friends or to me.

We all have facades. I accept that as a given because we are fragile. I care only about the honesty of what a person feels. That is the beauty in us I want to see…I want to project. As we grow closer the facades fade away and as we present the physical person, the less important part of whom we are, it shouldn’t be a surprise, but a pleasure, to see the package that holds the beauty of the feelings we’ve connected with.

11. 2 months ago Simlanna wrote:

I am been on a number of forums over the years and have learned to judge people by what they write rather than by the description they give of themselves.

I've played internet games with 10 year olds who I'd swear were much older and I've had debates with "adults" that needed a spanking and a time out.

I figure that when I out out honesty, I will get it back eventually.

I should also point out that pretty much all of my best friends at the moment are people I've met online whom I've also met in person. they didn't always look the way I imagined or talk the way they write. But I got past it and we've all been friends for over 6 years.

12. 2 months ago MIhappygirl wrote:

I second JohnH56. Even online contacts leave their mark, however imperceptable. And who knows if a one time contact develops into an online friendship - shouldn't it be based on a baseline of integrity?

13. 2 months ago Wildcard wrote:

You put a nice spin on the cyberworld. We are complex beings and this is only part of the large sum of our whole. While I prefer honest and truthful cyberfriends, I realize that may not always be the case. I think most of us can usually smell a rat, and I think we can be accepting of those who want to show a different side of their personality.