Who’s Watching the Hen House

A sequel to my previously posted blog:
“Can You Hear The Pain”.

"Who does not know the Truth, is simply a Fool...
Yet who knows the Truth and Calls it a Lie, is a Criminal."
- In "Galileo Galilei" by Berthold Brecht (1898-1956)
I search for truth.

The week before my husband died in the Hospice Center, I had only managed to get an average of four hours a night sleep and I was exhausted. I was sleep deprived and I could not eat. I was not sure how on earth I could possible make it. There is something in the human psyche that prevails in all of us to keep putting one foot ahead of the other when we are in a crisis. I call it a miracle. But I have read that it’s the adrenaline that takes over exactly like it would if a bear was running after us. “Fight or flight” is one term used for it.

A retired LPN offered to sit with my dearly beloved husband for me to make an appointment with my doctor. I needed something to help me sleep and didn’t want to buy an OTC drug for fear of chemical dependency. .

Without hesitation he prescribed several drugs. One was Zoloft, an anti-depressant. He also gave me many samples of Valium, and Librium and or the generic of. I was already taking a blood pressure pill for mild hypertension along with a low dose of Lasix. I shared that I had no appetite but that was ignored. I was not taking any vitamins and felt that if I had needed them, my doctor in whom I placed my life, surely would have suggested taking them.

I began taking the Zoloft as directed. 50mg to begin with and then as he had instructed I increased it to 100mg in a couple of weeks. The Librium was to take every four hours during the day. The Zoloft was to be taken around 9 pm daily. My doctor did not tell me to come back for a follow up visit. I was on my own. Just me and the Anti-depressant and anxiety pills. I was “up in the loft with Zoloft and all of her friends”.

My family and I all sat around the oval shaped table in a beautifully decorated room of the funeral home. Several years ago my husband and I planned and paid for our funeral arrangements. With the help of a few relatives and friends around me I got through the funeral services seemingly easy. Looking back I did not shed the first tear and now wonder if anyone noticed. I am by nature a very caring and emotional human being. I even cry at parades and have been known to cry at the Pledge of Allegiance.

The days of the first year after his death went by and the only emotion I had was being lonely. I felt so alone. I felt that God had placed me in a cage and isolated me from other human contact. It was during this first year I quit going to church. I did join the “Widows and Widowers group on Eons. While that momentarily helped it did not solve the devastating loneliness I felt. If I did go to any type of social function I could hear people talking and laughing and I would listen but I could not laugh or cry. My daughter took me to a movie and while she sat there and cried at different scenes, I would look at her and think “what on earth is her problem”……

No one suspected that I was being controlled by chemicals exactly like the drug addicts on the street.
The only difference is my way was legal. My insurance picked up the tab. I didn’t have to steal or rob to get my drugs. However, I still felt so lonely I wanted to die.

In my state of mind, the only way I knew how to stop the loneliness was to invite people to cook-outs, arrange week-end get-a ways, shopping sprees to malls and many more activities. All at my expense! I was a big spender. Which is totally the opposite of my character. I am not a miser nor have I ever been. But for me to spend several thousand in a about a year and a half and have nothing to show for it is was as far from my character as the east is from the west.

Thank God for my bank. They called to question some of the transactions. I will always have the utmost respect for First National Bank here in my hometown. I began to look at myself in the mirror. I did not like who I saw and what I had become. This 71 year old widow was now in a mess. How could this have happened….I began to question my sanity and I began to cry out to God. I knelt by my bed and opened my Bible for the first time in months. My prayer was for WISDOM! Wisdom to understand how I had become so stupid and wisdom to get on the road back to be my own self that God had given me when I was born. I wanted my soul and mind back.

The next morning when I got up words popped in my head although I did not hear voices. But I could hear the words, “It’s the chemicals, it’s the chemicals! At first I didn’t know what to think. During the day I could hear this message repeated over and over again. That very day, Wednesday, February 6, 2008 I stopped taking the Zoloft and all the chemicals that my doctor had prescribed cold turkey. Besides I had not been monitored so what the heck. All I had to do to get a refill was to call his office. After all I had buried my husband and that was good enough reason for the “record” to show why I was on a psychotropic drug. These types of drugs are a “controlled substance” because it affects brain chemistry. How much control and by whom is still a big question to me.

I started doing hours and hours of research about chemical dependency by RX or otherwise. There is not a dimes worth of difference. Drugs are drugs regardless of how you obtain them. And the saddest thing of all is that none of them take away the pain or the problems. I was not monitored in any way, shape or form. I could have very well been on street drugs. No one cared and no one bothered to question me because people close to me knew I would never buy drugs illegally. And to obtain them from a physician was considered A-Okay.

After I began to actually shed tears for the first time in almost two years, I knew I was on the road back. Indeed I had and am still having with-drawl symptoms. I have what I call electrical spritzes in my head. It’s like a jolt of electricity that starts in my brain and pulses my entire body. It is in fact very unpleasant and would be frightening if I hadn’t done my homework on the internet. These side effects can last up to one year or even longer from the time one stops ingesting them. I have watched the TV program on “Intervention” and had not a clue as to what these drug dependant people were all about. I would sit there and think what a “weak” human being. Now I have a totally different perspective of these people and what they are going through.

According to the CDC (Center for Disease Control, Atlanta, GA), I found that the number one prescription written in the United States is for Anti-depressants. They even supersede blood pressure medication.
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An alarming 2.4 billion prescriptions was written in 2005 and it is believed that number will be tripled by 2008!

I want to make it clear; I am not against modern medicine. I can only share my story in hopes that someone will gain an insight of what un-monitored drugs can do. If you are taking anti-depressant and or other drugs that alter your emotions, and your doctor is monitoring you for side effects, then consider yourself blessed.

Prior to starting on the psychotropic drugs, I was reading at least one book per week. I love to read. But my vision had become dim and I ordered hand held magnifying glasses although I wear prescription glasses. Concerned, I went to an Ophthalmologist. He did a thorough eye exam. The x-ray of both Retinas showed that I had Dry Macular Degeneration. This is a devastating disease where the Retina no longer lets the light in your eye. And it stops the production of tears as well! This is why it’s called Dry MD. The Ophthalmologist questioned my family history for blindness and or other eye diseases. No one in my family to my knowledge ever had any sign of blindness what so ever. A list of specific eye vitamins was recommended for me, along with a daily multi vitamin. There is no cure for this disease once the Retina is damaged it is damaged for life. The only hope is to stop it from progressing so rapidly. Stem Cell Research is one alternative but the cost of 25 thousand is not feasible for most people. I contacted one Stem Cell Research center and was told that the funding for Stem Cell Research was no longer a priority of federal programs.

During the research on side effects of anti-depressants and similar drugs, I found that all anti-depressants can have many dangerous side effects. Side effects that can not be corrected. The most mind boggling thing I could not understand was the fact that the Food and Drug Administration allows Pharmaceutical companies to sell doctors on these drugs before the study is even completed. Not to mention the fact that physicians prescribe them knowing that the study is incomplete. So who’s watching the hen-house? Before this happened I felt relatively safe knowing that I lived in a country that had my health and safety as a number one concern. Again it seems that I was sorely wrong.

A list of side effects for Zoloft as well as all other anti-depressants are as follows:

Addiction
Concurring Depression and Anxiety
Dry Mouth and Other Mucous Membranes
Hepatitis
Hyper and Hypoglycemia
Low sodium
Mania
Muscle Spasms and Leg Cramps
Negative Personality and Perception
Parkinson’s Disease
Psychotic Symptoms
Sexual Dysfunction in Both Male and Female
Suicide and Aggression
Toxicity, Brain Damage and Death
Tremors

Web sites that I used for my own research:

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I will continue to pursue my own research and learn if in fact the psychotropic drugs that were prescribed for me could have caused or contributed to my vision problems. The question remains: Am I going to be blind?
When I finish the research I will post my findings.
Thank you for reading this blog and God Bless you.

Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. John: 8:32