Relationships

Relationships. Boy does that word carry a lot of baggage. We all have expectations of what we want out of a relationship but we rarely share them very well. We expect the other side to know what we want and we assume we know what they want. OPPS. This could be a disaster waiting to happen. Right?
OK, so what do we do about this situation?
DISCLAIMER: I am not a psychiatrists nor do I play one on TV. These are just my ideas, and I hope they are helpful. Just things you think about in the middle of the night.
1. Find out what you really want.....not what you think you want. Write it down. Edit your list. Refine it. What is really important on it and what is just fluff. are the things you want realistic? Do they make sense. Write your list again. Put it away for a week and then check it again. If things have changed on your list they were not really supposed to be there in the first place. OK, I agree, this is the hard part.Write your list again. Are you sure? When you are go to number two.
2. Ask you partner to do the same. Give him/her the same instructions you followed and explain why you want him/her to do this. Give him/her time. Remember how hard your list was to write. They are encountering the same difficulties. Be patient. Don't ask if they are finished for at least a month. Be prepared to wait longer. A good relationship is worth waiting for and certainly worth working on. This was your idea, and it may be more difficult for them than you think.
3. When your lists are ready, place them in sealed envelopes and exchange. Do not read them together. Take a week or so to read his/her list and think about it. Are some of the things the same as your list; what is different? Be fair.
Believe they are being honest about what they wrote. Be objective.
4. Plan a time to sit down and discuss your lists. Don't go into this discussion angry. Be objective and try to see both sides. Talk about what each item means to you. Remember sometimes we don't interpret words the same way. "What does this mean" is a valid question. Believe that their list is for real, however surprised you may be by what you see,
5. BE READY TO COMPROMISE. Look for things on your lists that already exist. Congratulate your selves for these. Look for differences. Did you know he/she wanted that? Is it something that is acceptable to you? Talk about it. Try it. See if it fits.
5. Go back to # 1 and rewrite both of your lists, and go through the process again.
If nothing else you have opened lines of communication and learned an exceptional amount about your partner. Congratulate yourselves on working so hard. Plan a special celebration of you!
DISCLAIMER: I am not a psychiatrists nor do I play one on TV. These are just my ideas, and I hope they are helpful.