I have to deal with my sister because, My Mother, my sister and I all live in the same State and our Mother is disabled...I am trying, to avoid arguing...But I cannot tell her that (whatever I say to her she can argue about)..I am trying to make a point she says to that and goe on and on!!!!
Dear Lord show me how to deal with this situation....Joyce Meyers says the more Christian person makes the first move to smooth out things...My Father still says I am the oldest I have to keep everything calm..To that I just chuckle and say "that does not work any more, we are all adults now"
This too will pass...don't make my sister give me more grey hairs..I raised twins and only have a few!
Family members that are difficult
posted 7 months ago
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- 1. 7 months ago feywon wrote:
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Even tho you are adults, in fact because you are adults/peers now...in a situation like this a word or two from your father might accomplish more.
If your sister is one of those combative people (i remember my 1st husband doing 180 reversals of opinion when he was spoiling for a fight and i'd resist being drawn in by saying 'you have a point'). Rehearse phrases like 'you have a point'. Use them like a broken record (while not actually agreeing to do anything her way unless you've come feel it's 'right') except in the most critical of matters (ie the well being of family members. Only the wellbeing of living things is really worth arguing about. Avoid her as much as possible....(when i needed a dryer/cleaner environment due to allergies i thought of NM and WY, the realization that it would be much harder for a certain relative who lives in TX to visit was part of my decision to pick WY). You may live in the same state, not the same town or house from the sounds of it. Minimize contact with her. If you are visiting the folks at the same time, on holidays for example, ask your father to tell her 'that's enough' or 'can't we have a peaceful visit?' ahead of time. It is his responsibility when it is in house. (Not to mention parents are parents unless they've lost their faculties...).
If she does a lot of this by phone...buy a cheap, loud kitchen timer, when you know its her...set the timer for 5, 10 however many minutes you can take without wanting to scream....when it goes off...say there's my laundry, there's my food...(if it's middle of night and she questions it say you couldn't sleep). Or be blunt with her: 'you have 5 minutes to make your point...but that doesn't mean i'll agree with you or do things your way.' When the the timer goes off, say 'Well that's as much of time i'm willing to let pummel for today' and hang up. It may seem 'unchristian', but is it more or less christian than allowing her to drag you into it? Or than suffering in silence? You are a child of God too...and deserve some peace. Forgive her...but minimize opportunites for her to do this. Visit parents separately as much as possible.
Another thing that could help you is to write down your feelings about all this in a letter to her. If there are specific things you're disagreeing on that are important (your mothers care for instance) make it clear that Mom and Dad still have say in that regardless what you two think and two if you've been pulling the load of helping them (usually falls to oldest daughter). Suggest discussing matters via email (much easier to ignore the irrelevant combative parts that way), stick to the point of discussions yourself in those communications.
As to what Joyce Meyers 'says'. (Let me first say i like her and lot of her opinions on what makes a good Christian). Note that she said 'makes the first move', Ms Meyers is savvy enough to know you cannot resolve anything with a person determined to do battle. All you can do is make your position clear. Remembering there are some things one should be willing to 'fight' for...you just have to pick your battles.
i wish you all the best. There are some good books out there on dealing with 'toxic' relatives. i bet your library has them. And if you need vent...we're here, and God is always listening.
