As a child I was exposed to many who had renounced the world in order to practice various disciplines of yoga. I heard stories from those who had first hand mystical experiences. There were those who saw glowing images of Christ, or Krishna, or the Buddha. I heard stories of visions of different colors of light, sometimes accompanied by different sounds.

I was motivated and inspired by those stories. As a result, I spent many hours meditating in the full lotus posture. I wanted so badly to have an experience of personal contact with God. But, I had never experienced any of the dramatic results that I was hearing about.

One night, when I was about nine years old, I went to my room with a firm resolve. This night I vowed that I would stay awake to pray and meditate until I had an experience of God.

The praying and meditating went on into the wee small hours of the morning. Finally, this tired and disappointed little boy tearfully laid his head down on his pillow and began to fall asleep.

I was just beginning to doze off when I started dreaming. I dreamed of distant mountains silhouetted by a blue sky that was growing lighter as dawn approached. As I watched, the sun began to peek over the top of the mountains, and my gaze was met with long slivers of bright white light. I was instantly thrilled by the first glimmerings of this brilliant light, and I thirsted for more as I could feel this light begin to fill me. The sun quickly emerged from the top of the mountains, and the silhouettes, including all other shapes and shadows, disappeared in a flood of deeply nourishing white light. I felt myself being drawn irresistibly into the light.

It was all so real, and to this day a most unforgettable experience. I quickly became more awake as I willingly went towards the light. I was so awakened by the light that I suddenly sat upright in my bed and opened my eyes. To my surprise, it made no difference whatsoever. My gaze was met with a most beautiful and brilliant pure white light even with my eyes open.

There was nothing to be seen but this Light. The world that I expected to see with my eyes open was simply not there. There was supposed to be a bed, a dresser, a wall, and a door (my room). Instead, I was facing another, and very different world of limitless light. It was filling me with a sense of love, well-being and peace that will forever remain beyond description.

I was blissfully, willingly, and most eagerly being drawn further into this light. Then the fear set in. It was experienced as nothing more than a moment of hesitation and doubt, but that was enough. As soon as that small shadow of fear entered my mind the light immediately disappeared. My darkened room, lit only by faint moon glow, was once again my reality.

But, my God, what a wondrous experience I had had! Anything and everything that this world offers cannot begin to compare to the joy and fulfillment that that world of light showed me. Now I knew what it meant to have a goal, a purpose, and a kingdom that is not of this world.

One of the important points that I wanted to make in telling this story is that this light experience was not the result of practicing any method, discipline, or technique. I wanted an experience of God more than anything, but it came to me only after I gave up. The meditative techniques availed me nothing. At best, it was a demonstration of my willingness. But, the experience was mine only after I stopped asserting a personal effort. It happened only after I got out of the way, and it ended after that little personal me got back into the way by asserting doubt and fear.

Love and gratitude, Benny