It is so easy to get side tracked from your convictions. Sometimes you even forget what your convictions are. It is then that I have to step back and re-evaluate my beliefs. One thing that has really come to mind, is forgiveness. I want to be able to forgive those people that have hurt me directly and indirectly. Not the, "I forgive, but I won't forget" crap, but true forgiveness. What does that even mean? I also ask for forgiveness. Out of nowhere, I often react before thinking things through. It is then when I hurt people the most.
Oh and how about those people that say that you were nothing, but a season and there was a reason for the season, but the season has passed and that I have nothing to be forgiven for. Hmmm, somehow that doesn't sound true, does it? I accept that we sometimes grow in different directions. Very often though, you just failed to communicate and if you back up and start again, you find that you have grown in very much the same direction.
Are there levels of forgiveness? I think this is what most of us do, but I don't think this is true forgiveness either. It is hard to forget, some injustice that someone has done to us. We say we forgive, but yet there is a part of you that still holds back, that doesn't forget. Have I truly forgiven if that is what I have done? So, trust has been broken and that is so hard to repair.
So, do trust and forgiveness go hand in hand? If your not sure how to forgive, how do you even begin to trust again? I personally pray, a lot. I ask for forgiveness and it is given to me unconditionally. How on earth do I learn how to love that much? So, forgiveness, has to do with trust and even love. Love of a friend, a child a partner, a neighbor, mankind..
I'm trying to learn, to understand. I can forgive, but not forget, which means the trust and the love have been severely compromised. So, do we have to relearn the trust to completely forgive? How can someone tell me they forgive me, then totally cut me out of their life. I still can't figure this out.
Forgiveness, should mean everything that was broken has been put back together again. At least in my very elementary world.
It has also occurred to me that the very people I ask to forgive me, are in fact the people that should be asking me for forgiveness. I forgive you. I want to build that bridge again. Not to forgive, is so lonely.
Interesting that in the Webster's Dictionary that the word before forgiveness, is forget, and the word after is forgo.
Forgiveness: 1. cease to blame or hold resentment (against), 2. pardon,
I am trying, are you trying?
Forgiveness, can also mean surrender, couldn't it?
ultimate forgiveness picking up the man that nailed him to the cross, now that is forgivness that can never be compared to.
I am just a humble servant.
posted by cloudyblue
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