In case you have missed any of the sixteen zillion diet claims so far this year, I have taken the liberty of combining them for you into one merged advertisement. Venture forth if you dare...

What's the major cause of weight loss failure?

Obviously, it's dieting! That's right. In proven scientific studies, it was discovered that people who don't try and lose weight never fail! Obviously, the key to successful weight loss is don't even try! But now, you can discover the amazing yet profoundly simple secrets about weight control that have been discovered in a vault at the bottom of the Dead Sea.

Oh sure, supposed "experts" and other professionals told us that eating wisely and exercising is the solution. But, what do they know? After all, science is merely a crutch for people too timid to leave reality behind.

Believe it or not, it is entirely possible to change your body immediately; and it has NOTHING to do with exercise, healthy eating, support groups, or lifestyle adjustment. If you want to get noticeably thinner, you need a complete eating system that is so unique that - just by thinking about it - you'll lose five pounds!

How does it work?

Simple. Every time you eat, two types of hormones are released into your bloodstream, and together they have power over fat burning and storage. These hormones are controlled by the foods you eat, as well as one's fashion sense. Really! Haven't you noticed that well-dressed people appear thinner? Of course you have - because they are!

Although it cannot choose your outfits, Nutrifraud's Biological Organic Gastrological Utilization System ("B.O.G.U.S.") combines nature's most powerful ingredients so your body fights excess fat; giving you the defined, fit look you crave. BOGUS blends the metabolism-boosting power of several amino acids, baking soda, caffeine, and our secret key element: Laxativium. These components cause insulin to be more efficient, thereby terrifying sugar molecules (and the calories associated with them). As sugar molecules escape, their anxiety level increases, raising their pulse. Everyone knows a higher pulse comes from exercise. So, in effect, the sugar molecules themselves actually exercise away your fat for you! It's absolutely amazing!

The result? Fewer fat deposits guaranteeing six pack abs in just hours!

If that were all, BOGUS would be an amazing value...but there's more! In addition to weight loss, flat abs, and better breath, BOGUS rejuvenates your marriage, enhances your sex life, and knocks 50 years off your looks!

Nutrifraud guarantees BOGUS 100 percent! If you're unhappy, and can weave your way though our labyrinthine, convoluted, frustrating voice mail tree and actually get a real person on the phone, we'll refund your product purchase price (minus a small 85 percent restocking fee).

Although anyone can theoretically lose weight with BOGUS, we strongly recommend you use it in conjunction with an overall weight management program involving healthy diet, lifestyle change, and regular exercise.

DISCLAIMER: These statements and products have not been evaluated by the US Food and Drug Administration. Nutrifraud is not recommended for use by minors, animals, or anyone with rational thought processes.