She was only 19 and he was 20. She was the youngest daughter of 13 and he was a street wise young man that admired her from afar. They were neighbors growing up on the same dirt street. She claims her only attraction to him was that he could dance and his dark Mesoamerican skin color. She was a fair skinned beauty and very well protected by her older brothers. To dance with her he had to have the nerve to ask her in the presence of her father and brothers.
Somehow he got the courage to get padrinos to go to her house and command an appearance before her father to ask for her hand in marriage. The first time her father sent him a message, if he was man enough to want her as his wife he would have to come ask for her hand himself. She claims she married him because her parents told her he would be a good provider.
My parents were married January 9, 1943 in a simple ceremony. She wore a tiny white dress and he in a dark suit. Her wedding band was bought at the 5 &10 cent store. That was all they could afford. The festivities were held in the dirt street in front of their homes. Music and food was provided by family, friends and neighbors. The guests danced in the dirt street. His mother did not attend as she did not approve of the marriage. She was forced to watch the celebration from behind closed doors.
Their honeymoon was spent with her sister where they were given a make shift bed on the floor.
Soon after the wedding he left to go serve his country during WWII. A year later they had their first son, his namesake Victor. Dad never got to bond with his son because he was on active military duty.
My mom is a woman that mentally was way ahead of the times. She took his military pay and saved until she could buy a city lot. After the lot was paid off she went to the bank and got a loan to build a house. Imagine a Latino woman in the 1940’s walking into a bank to get a personal loan. By the time dad was out of the military he came home to a new house. A second son was born, followed by muah, my sister and younger brother.
We were so lucky to have been raised by parents that stuck it out through thick and thin. There were hard times but my grandparents were right, dad was always a good provider.
We celebrated each milestone anniversary. There has always been music and dancing. Dancing was always their passion and they danced so beautifully that people would stop to watch. They look so grand, him holding her at arm’s length and her holding her head high as they feet flowed in unison.
Their 50th anniversary was celebrated in grand style. They renewed their wedding vows and had all their children as their padrinos. Their 55th was celebrated and honored by my daughter getting married on their day. They were my daughter’s padrinos de lasso. That was 10 years ago and my daughter and son in law are still happily married so maybe it was that magical day that brought them the success of their marriage. As with my parents, my daughter’s in laws did not want them to marry.
Their 65th is coming up. As a family we have not been able to plan a celebration. My mom just got out of the hospital on the 23rd and yesterday was taken back to the hospital where she remains in intensive care. I picked up dad today to take him to visit his wife of almost 65 years. He shuffled into her hospital room, over to her bed and picked up her hand and kissed it. This has become the most common way of sharing his love as it gets harder and harder to bend down to kiss her lips. His mamita as he calls her was feeling better but he could not stay at her side as he would like to. As they have gotten older these separations caused by hospital stays have become more frequent.
They raised their children and for years have had only each other to care for. The food Nazi as we loving call mom cannot hold vigil from afar of what he is consuming. I am sure she has the equivalent dietician’s degree by reading everything in sight about what he can or should not eat.
Neither one wants to give up on life because they don’t want to leave the other behind.
As I dropped dad off to an empty house I wondered what he must be feeling. I tried to talk him into coming home with me but he chose to stay home. What must be going through his mind as he crawls into an empty bed that is normally shared by his partner? What about eating dinner alone instead of sharing and caring for each other?
Is this what life is all about? Do we go through life looking for the perfect mate only to be broken hearted when the time comes to answer God’s call? This beautiful fun energetic couple has become old and dependant on the children they bore. Once surrounded by all their couple friends they find that they have out lived all of them and are once again where they started, alone. What kind of person stays at your side through thick and thin, is there to watch what you eat, helps you in and out of bed, helps you remember doctor appointments and reminds you to take your medications. Is this what we want out of life and long for? If God gives them their health for a bit longer, we will celebrate their 65th with a family party. This relationship story will end as it started, with love and simplicity…..