Try this mini-experiment:
“If I eat healthfully, then I will feel better.”
Now ‘reframe’ it this way::
“When I eat healthfully, then I will feel better.”
Which one paints a stronger picture of doing what you say you want to do?
The word ‘if’ implies that maybe we will do it- and maybe not. It is not a word of commitment and the pictures it creates in us are, in most cases, more tentative than those that follow the same sentence starting with the word ‘when’.
With ‘if’ we give ourselves the option of opting out. After all, we never said we were going to really do it.
With ‘when’ we commit to REALLY doing it. We lay the mental tracks in our brains; we lay the tracks in our hearts where commitment and courage lie. We picture it.
When we start with the word ‘when’, we imply, we state- to ourselves and others- that we are going to do something- that thing that follows the word ‘when’…. The ‘then’ part of the equation – ‘when I get better at… then…’ – provides the incentive part of the picture, the positive fallout of really doing it.
When we get batter at setting goals on our projects, then we will be able to track where we all stand.
When we get better at setting goals on our projects, then we will be able to know which one of us needs help.
When we get better at setting goals on our projects, then we will be able to provide an assist to each other.
When we get better at setting goals on our projects, then we will have a higher probability of completing then on time and with better quality.
When we get better at setting goals on our projects, then they will become true team work events in which we will feed tremendous pride.
When we get better at setting goals on our projects, then we will feed tremendous team and individual pride.
“When I eat chocolate in moderation, then I will feel more satisfied with the chocolate I eat.”
“When I eat chocolate in moderation, then I will eat less and enjoy it more.”
“When I eat chocolate in moderation, then…
‘When’ commitments trounce ‘if’ wishes any day to step into your dream, to turn it into reality. With ‘when…then…’ statements, you up the chances that you can get from here – where you are- to there- where you want to be.
The What:
On the fourth day of New You, my true self gave to me- a way to commit to the things I want to do with replacing all of my ‘ifs’ with the more powerful and motivating ‘when’.
You are going to learn how to use reframing. Reframing is a technique from cognitive psychology (using your thoughts to change how you feel and what you do).
With reframing, you are going to start a new habit today. You are going to trash the less-than-motivating ‘if this’ and ‘if that’ of wishful and wistful thinking.
You are going to PACK the committed living-color-picture-making commitment of ‘when this…’ and when that…’ so you can picture yourself REALLY doing it (and between Day Four and Twelve, you will learn how to use goals in a new and move-you-to-action way that will get you started on the trek from ‘when’ to ‘then’.)
By TRASHing the ‘if’ and PACKing the ‘when’ you psych yourself up for doing what it is that you say you want to do.
The Why Behind the ‘when…then…’
When is a more powerful start to a true finish to achieving our dreams because it assumes that you are going to really do it.
The ‘if…’ start allows for room- lots of it if we take it- for not really doing it. When we start with ‘if’- whether it is in the privacy of our thought balloons or in public proclamation, we give ourselves a way out.
The assumption behind ‘if’ is a strong maybe not.- maybe I’m just saying I might do it.
The assumptions behind ‘when’ is a strong YES- I am committing to doing this- I am going to do this- or, in other instances, WE are going to do it.
With ‘when’ our brains and hearts picture doing it- and so do others when we make those ‘when’ statements public.
The How to: The Winner’s Way* System to ‘REALLY DO IT!’*
When you reframe your ‘if’s with ‘whens’ (notice I am assuming you are with me on this), you are taking Winner’s Way* TRASHIT AND PACKIT!TM* - the two-part Winner’s Way coaching strategy that you learned in the blog a few days ago (you can reread these if you want to refresh your memory or reawaken your heart to get going) – to specific playing fields- to areas of your life that YOU WANT to change.
TRASHIT AND PACKIT!TM – letting go of the trash and choosing what you take.
TRASHIT!TM- the ‘if’ or ‘maybe’ false starts that leave us room to not do it, that imply that our hearts and minds and legs are not really in this game.
PACKIT!TM – the ‘when I do… then …’ statements that enable us to confirm to ourselves and the world two things-
1. I am REALLY going to do this.
2. There are some terrific payoffs to doing this and here they are for me- or us- to picture and use as incentives to get up and get going, to start moving forward.
My mentor and coach, Marshall Goldsmith*, has been named one of the top executive coaches on the globe. His approach focuses on changing behaviors, on trading in the habits that got you here, the habitual behaviors we assume have contributed to our success for new habitual behaviors that are more appropriate at this stage in the game. In my language, in the schema of The Winner’s Way, Marshall focuses on TRASHing outdated or ineffective habits and PACKing a new habit that will enable executives and leaders to reach their goals.
Marshall uses this simple exercise with his individual and group clients- and we have used it together in our shoulder-to-shoulder presentations and coaching. Marshall credits Dr/ Nathaniel Branden, for this exercise:
Try this:
“When I get better at…
then…”
Fill in the blanks with a result- no negatives or ‘don’ts’ or what won’t happen- TRASH those and PACK positive outcomes.
Now here is the Goldsmith-Branden and now Brill version of this exercise. To make it really stick, to enable you to drive down to the really significant outcomes that you will achieve and experience when you get better at whatever you choose, fill in the ‘then…’ part of the equation TEN times.
“When I get better at…
then…”
“When I get better at making time to phone each one of my daughters daily,
then I will feel more connected to them.
-then I will know what is going on in their lives
-then I will be able to predict when they might need me and plan accordingly
-then they will feel closer to me
-then they will phone me when they need me
-then they will allow me to be there for them in a new authentic way
-then we will have the relationship toward which I am striving.”
TEN times- get down to ten ‘thens’ and see where you take yourself, relish the images that you create and how they relate to goals you may not have even yet articulated, goals and visions of how things could be better that have been percolating in your heart and mind. And now they are real, cooked into your mental and cardio tracks, just waiting for your legs to get going- or your fingers to do the dialing.
‘REALLY DO IT!’ – the ball’s in your court daily play (also known as exercise)
Now here is the REALLY DO IT! DAILY CHALLENGE:
“When I get better at…
then…”
Fill in the blanks. That’s it- pure, simple, usable anywhere at any time.
Each time you hear yourself utter, or think, the phrase ‘if I….” TRASHITTM – and replace it with “when I…” - PACKITTM!
And then, of course, do the dance- the dance of celebration that you have changed your life yet again in a simple way that will enable you to live the life you love and love the life you live.
Now you REALLY DO IT! – and follow-through.
It is the same tip from the other day- take a friend or relative with you on this journey.
And let me know how it went.
And tune in for the next step- beyond Re-solutions to Solutions for Life!!!
Looking forward with gratitude for the life that I have created and with forgiveness for beating myself up this year in those moments of regression to the twilight of the trash zone…,
Pam.
* TRASHIT AND PACKIT!TM and “REALLY DO IT!” are concepts published in The Winner’s Way: A Proven Method for Achieving Your Personal Best in Any Situation (McGraw-Hill, 2004) – available at:
view link
Come and play more with these concepts with food-for-thought for your brain at:
www.inthezoneinc.com
*Dr. Marshall Goldsmith is the author of What Got You Here Won’t Get You There – one of the top business books of 2007- with relevance to real world challenges beyond business…
