How we debrief sets us up for how we start…

Okay, I have talked about language –and now we are inspiring ourselves with our ‘packits’ from Day One- talking the talk of desire, of opportunity, of passion, right?

And we have a dream- many dreams. And with your dream, you are seeing the power of looking forward with a dream - a vision for what life you want to create between where you sit and where you want to be.

When I did my graduate work in Maine- upstate Maine, I learned a saying that ‘old Mainers’ use: ‘you can’t get there from here’ (thought it sounded more like ‘you can’t get theah from heah…’) Oftentimes during those years of living lean on the grad assistantships that paid my tuition and a stipend of 3 grand on which I lived, I would find my self reciting that saying in the privacy of my thought balloon – ‘you can’t get theah fro heah’ – and I would smile and the rebellious James Dean in me would say – ‘oh, yes I can’ – and I would figure out a way to get from where I was to where I was determined to be.

I learned to get myself to move forward after falls and failures and heartbreaking tough calls that often- okay almost always- felt ‘unfair.’ I learned, too, that the more dreams you have, the more you move, chances are good that you will fall more and encounter more curve balls and people trying to take the wind out of your sails- and, too, you will encounter and CREATE opportunities to see just how far you can push the gifts with which you were born and those that you worked so hard to develop and you will meet the most amazing people. As Dr. Seuss told us- “Oh, the places you’ll go!”

In fact, trust me, as mother of four with many dreams inspired by my parents who were dreamers and who lived their dreams, I will arm you with terrific news- the more miles we travel, the more curve balls we encounter. And that is terrific – not terrible- news. It’s learning how to re-view the curve balls and the good ones to motivate you to get back up or keep moving forward. I tell you this with my own scars- a dominant hand that looks pretty lame as my thumb was put back on from a ski accident (and, yes, I still love to ski), a hip disorder that I was born with that prohibits me from running the 7-minute miles that were once part of my daily double (and, yes, I still run and work out so I can keep moving when I turn 103), and various and sundry blows to my heart and psyche that could have left me on the sidelines. And while admittedly it took longer to get back up from some, what I learned is that getting back up and moving forward- even if it is baby steps as when I recovered from pneumonia and went from training for a half-marathon with ten mile days to encouraging my heart and lungs to make it to the end of my driveway and back to get the mail.

To quote another common phrase in response to those who tell you- including your self- that ‘you can’t get theah from heah’- ‘Fuhget (forget) about it!!!’

And since I encourage you to get rid of the ‘don’ts’ and telling ourselves to forget something does just the opposite and brings the image to mind- I say this:

Remember this- consider this- PACK this- You CAN get from there to here.

So what’s it going to take to get there?

It takes ‘the right stuff’- articulating the behaviors and mindsets you will want with you on the journey from current state to dream state as reality armed with your PACK-it full of the language and images that are fueling you – and a proactive way to re-view each step of the way so that you want to keep putting one foot in front of the other and so that you want to get back up on those occasions when you get blindsided or sidelined by one of life’s curve balls- and we all get hit with curve balls.

The What:
On the third day of New You, my true self gave to me- a way to debrief and review every activity or moment or near-miss- in a way that will power you up for the next round, in a way that will continue to move you to action- to motivate you- even in those instances where you did not quite get the results or hit the mark for which you were aiming.

I call if a Postoperative Routine, a positive way to debrief. (I named it that when I taught it to a team of surgeons at a workshop on The Winner’s Way for getting ‘in the Zone’ for multiple surgeries and they told me about the scathing reviews they used with themselves and their surgical teams- reviews intended to make them all better but so negative that even the patients, had they not been asleep, would have wanted to walk out of the O.R….).

You are going to learn how to trash the debilitating never-ending Greek chorus of beat-yourself- up reviews after you do something- or try to do something - TRASHIT.

And you are going to learn a new habit- or, as Patti Labelle, that woman of soul, would say- you are going to get ‘a new attitude’ – PACKIT- by learning to debrief everything that you do in a way that honors what you did well (DO THE DANCE!!!) and coaches you on what you WANT to do next time (and in so doing, your assumption, your belief is that, first- there will be a next time- and second, that you believe you are capable and want to try something new. And you will picture that- and set your nervous system and muscles on fire as they respond to your positive visualization!!!)

With this Postoperative Routine, you are going to learn how to recognize what you did well- you will automatically look for the half-full. And you are going to coach yourself on how you want to (not how you could- we are using the language of desire and action here)- you are going to coach yourself on how you WANT to do things the next time around- we are assuming you are going to get out of the chair and create a next time around, you see.

Recognizing what you do well, the things you do, the attitudes you carry that you want on your trip- those that move you toward your dream- and telling yourself what you are going to do differently next time around- that is what a Postoperative Routine is, pure and simple- and it works.

The Why Behind the Review
If you have ever watched film critic shows- let’s say the classic ‘Siskel and Ebert’, you know what a ‘two thumbs up’ review is. Well, we are constantly reviewing our behaviors and our attempts to achieve things, including our dreams. And the way we typically review is more like a ‘Siskel and Ebert’ ‘two thumb down’!

In the privacy of our thought balloons, it is most common to beat ourselves up with that horrific language of oppression and mustery.

We use a lot of ‘clda, should, woulda’s and a huge proportion of ‘don’t’s. Don’t do this, we tell ourselves and ‘don’t do that’ whether it is part of our preparation or debriefing routine. Well, here is what we know- the brain may not even process the word ‘don’t’. So don’t use it—oops.

Instead, do use do. You are going to train- or retrain- your self to engage and move forward by giving your self instructions that create images of what you want to do, not what you did poorly because, after all, that’s like firing up our muscles and the parts of our brain that would be doing it in the wrong or less-than-desirable way. That’s like using visualization against ourselves- which is exactly what we do each day. It’s natural. It’s been ingrained into us. And, good news, we can change it!!!!!

So how do you change it? A Postoperative Routine is a good start. Plus it enables you to put the Winner’s Way techniques to which I have introduced you into perspective and into play.

The How to: The Winner’s Way System to ‘REALLY DO IT!’*

A Winner’s Way ‘Postoperative Routine’ takes TRASHIT AND PACKIT!TM* - the two-part Winner’s Way coaching strategy that you learned in the blog two days ago (you can reread these if you want to refresh your memory or reawaken your heart to get going) – to bigger playing fields.

TRASHIT AND PACKIT!TM – letting go of the trash and choosing what you take.

TRASHIT!TM- the scathing review of any performance or thought you may have.

PACKIT!TM – your Postoperative Routine goes like this:

“What I did well was…

Next time I will…”

Fill in the blanks. That’s it- pure, simple, usable anywhere at any time.

There is one more guideline. When I taught this to those Docs, they got it right away. “We can do this,” they proclaimed with glee and pride. And they set off to write their own. There was a pattern – their “did well” list was the size of a matchbook – or an ipod nano… And their “next time I will…” lists were the size of scrolling manuscripts- or those old Fortran computers that inhabited the better parts of entire rooms. With so many ‘do next times’ this was not motivating at all!!! Plus no human- not even a surgeon- could remember such a list.

Next guideline- Make the number of things you did well equal the number of things you highlight to do next time- anywhere from one to three to accommodate the human memory capacity and attention on the run.

‘REALLY DO IT!’ – the ball’s in your court daily play (also known as exercise)

Now here is the REALLY DO IT! DAILY CHALLENGE:

That’s it. After each thing you do or try or think- each idea you pitch, each time you reach out to connect with a grumpy relative who bites your head off as she or he always has, debrief in way that makes you feel good- a present for you from you:

“What I did well was… and … and …

Next time I will…and…and…”

And then, of course, do the dance- THE dance of celebration as we Red Sox fans call it (oops, sorry to any non-Sox fans…).

So PACK a review that inspires you and motivates you to get out or back up. Remember those images that I painted for you a couple of days ago about packing things to move you from here to there toward your vision: “It’s all about what’s in the bag hanging over our heads- and whether it is heavy and dark and odiferous and weighs our shoulders down or it is light and airy with aromatherapy that picks us up off the couch and gets us reaching out and leaping into our dreams. “

Now you REALLY DO IT! – and follow-through. Here is one additional tip to make this stick.

It is the same tip from the other day- take a friend or relative with you on this journey.

Enlist a team mate- a friend, significant other, colleague, an adult child- let them in on the two-bag concept and hold each other accountable. Catch each other and yourself using negative debriefs and observe how they impact your energy and enthusiasm, your confidence and your motivation. Then turn those around to this Postop equation.

And celebrate- dance to your own music!!! Do the dance and sing the songs of celebration as you catch each other debriefing to inspire- each other and your self.

Then follow-through. Let me know how it went. Email me with your tales of changing your life by changing your language. And tune in tomorrow for the next step- beyond Re-solutions to Solutions for Life!!!

Looking forward with gratitude for the life that I have created and with forgiveness for beating myself up this year in those moments of regression to the twilight of the trash zone…,
Pam.

* TRASHIT AND PACKIT!TM and “REALLY DO IT!” and “Postoperative Routines” for debriefing concepts published in The Winner’s Way: A Proven Method for Achieving Your Personal Best in Any Situation (McGraw-Hill, 2004) – available at:
view link

Come and play more with these concepts with food-for-thought for your brain at:
www.inthezoneinc.com