The holidays are quickly approaching as evidenced by the decorations for sale in the stores two days after Halloween, and the all too familiar jewelry pitches with lighted trees in the background, or shiny new cars wrapped in a bows in the driveway from every car maker in the country on Television commercials!
I caught myself thinking about the inconvenience of having to rearrange the furniture to fit a tree into the house. My husband is thinking about how many hours it will take to put the lights up outside and hope that all the strands are working properly to avoid having to go to the crowded store and replace them. I've thought about the hundreds of cookies that I feel obliged to bake for my five grown children, getting packages out to the in-laws in time to arrive BEFORE Christmas. I'm tired and I haven't begun any of the labor-intensive hours of preparation.
I've heard how commercial Christmas has become a dozen times and we haven’t even celebrated Thanksgiving. I agree. It is commercial, it is hard work, and it is time-consuming; let's go beyond the commercialism for a few minutes and find our way back to Christmas.
I know that we long for the nostalgia of Currier and Ives or Norman Rockwell Christmases; consisting of small-town hospitality and the ambience of snow-laden landscapes, a stone cottage with plumes of cedar-scented smoke curling from the chimney and well-behaved children stringing popcorn for the tree. Sorry folks, unless you live in very small-town America I doubt that you will find it. We can however, find that spirit of Christmas past and embrace it, act on it, and let it become a part of who you are.
When I hear the complaints which, are totally valid given the long amount of time spent working, and the short amount of time left to prioritize shopping, baking, decorating, gift-wrapping, volunteering, having guests, being a guest and grabbing a few hours of sleep in between it can difficult at best to find yourself humming “Joy To The World”. Are you following me so far? I’m sure we’re all in line thinking about how to escape for the next few weeks and just skip all of it and the hassle it represents. But what about those who really deserve an escape but will not find one this year?
Let’s take the new widow who, after forty-plus years of marriage will go through ‘the firsts’ this year? The first time he isn’t there to taste the stuffing and carve the Thanksgiving turkey after saying the blessing. The first time he isn’t there to place the star on top of the tree and wait for her approval. The first time she’ll attend Christmas Eve services without the feel of him beside her in the pew. The first time she’ll sleep alone on Christmas Eve, telling herself that he’s celebrating Christmas in Heaven with the angels themselves, as her tears stain his pillow that she holds so tightly. What does Christmas mean to her this year?
Now move across town to the less affluent neighborhood into the apartment of the mother of two who works hard, goes to school, and tries to be both mother and father. Moving to the less affluent apartment from the four bedroom modest home that was always clean, and smelled of dinner at five, but was lost because her income just wasn’t enough has added salt to her open wounds. The Barbie Dream House and the latest video game system will have to wait another year. Instead of the mall, she’ll go to Goodwill and to a dollar store, hoping that when she gets her degree she’ll be able to do better; that Christmas will be the way it was before. The meal will be as delicious as always with each child’s favorite foods. So with the plans laid, the children asleep and smelling of shampoo, she wraps the gifts, places them under the tree, sits down with her coffee, and with a tear-streaked face, stares at the American flag folded into a perfect triangle, displayed in a wooden and glass box, on a special shelf for all to see. What does Christmas mean to her this year?
Let’s travel around the globe and enter the mess tent where not one, but many soldiers will share a meal on foreign and dangerous soil. All of whom have reason to resent the holidays this year. The mom who joined the Reserves to help save for college tuition for the kids. The young men who missed the birth of their sons and daughters, and share photos with the new ‘family’ they have become as they count the bullets as well as the days until they can shed the gear and the fear and embrace the husbands, wives, children, siblings and parents who this year have yellow ribbons tied to trees and porches, and car antennas as they count along. The purchased gifts are sent off to their soldiers, and the rest are waiting to be opened under the artificial tree that will remain in place for as long as it takes their loved one to celebrate at home. What does Christmas mean to these thousands of American people this year?
Now come with me to any urban city, Philadelphia, Phoenix, Chicago, New York, LA, Dallas, Miami, Minneapolis, or Seattle, you pick the city, because the scene is played out across the country in every city. There are thousands of children who live in cars, abandoned buildings, or corrugated boxes through no choice of their own. A single parent has fallen on hard times, a couple with children is fighting the demons of drug addiction, a young teen has run away from an unstable and sometimes dangerous home life to the dangers of the streets, a mental patient has been released from a hospital with no where to go other than the streets. We see them with signs asking for help with food or money everyday or panhandling in parking lots.
I work for an author. He writes best-selling books about compassion and gratitude. One day I complained to him about a man sitting on the off-ramp of the freeway with a sign asking for money who is there everyday. I felt that he was scamming people and probably making a fair living doing it. I was politely put in my place and learned a lesson at the same time. He said, “So what? So what if his chosen job is to sit at the off ramp holding up a sign begging for money? Would you want his job? Would you be willing to sit on the pavement in Phoenix, Arizona in 115 plus degrees to do his job for eight or more hours a day, and to do it without benefits? Would you be willing to hear the insults he takes on a daily basis? What if he’s illiterate and can’t find any other job? Do we know his circumstances? Would you be willing to trade your job today for his even if you knew that he makes money more than you?” Easy answers…difficult questions! Thoughtful questions.
Those children in cars with their parents may not choose to be there but they are. Do you think they care about the commercialism of the holidays? Do you think that they are even exposed to it given their living conditions? I doubt that too may have flat screen HD televisions showcasing the jewelry, cars and sales all over town in the backseat. If the parents are willing and /or cognizant they will make it to a shelter for a holiday meal exposing themselves and their children to the local media cameras always present for the holiday food line. They get a meal but sometimes at the cost of what’s left of their dignity. What does Christmas mean those children, teens, parents, and mental patients who are living out in the cold? Afterward, when they return to wherever they call home on Christmas Eve, it will be without the commercialism that we all loathe so much.
Let’s not forget some nursing home patients who will not see family at all during the holiday season. I know from experience that this happens more often than we might think. How do they feel about Christmas and the commercialism?
What about the adult children whose parents are afflicted with Alzheimer’s and can’t place the son or daughters face or name? How does that adult child feel about Christmas this year knowing that his or her parent has forgotten not only the memories of Christmas that they made special for years; but can’t remember the ones who are trying to love them strongly enough to bring just one memory to the surface this holiday season. They want the gift of seeing a small spark of recognition in a beloved parents eyes if only for a few brief moments.
As we plod our way into the holiday season complaining, let’s just try to remember that all anyone really wants is love and acceptance. Shame on those of us who can afford to shop for complaining at all. Even if what we purchase will be much less expensive or as nice as we want it to be, we will shop! We’ll at the mall, K-Mart, at boutiques, at Wal-Mart, Neiman Marcus, or online. We will shop and wrap and decorate and cook and bake and complain. We have people we love and who love us that we are shopping for, baking for, cooking for, or cleaning the guest room for! We are blessed and somehow fail to see it.
Would we exchange our lifestyle for the people I’ve created even if we knew that we would find the true spirit of Christmas in their hearts? Would we give up our spouses for Christmas Eve and be willing to let the memories of the past sustain us even if it was for only one Christmas Eve? Would we give up our bed for the backseat of a car for those homeless children, if it meant not having the hassle of shopping and cooking and being able to get a free meal instead? Would we take on the heartache of the mother raising her children alone or the life of a soldier at war? It’s a simple life, without all the commercialism that we want to run from. It’s a much simpler life which we talk about needing so badly, but it’s a simple life without family get-togethers, photos in front of the tree, left-over’s, Currier & Ives or Norman Rockwell.
Please go into the holiday season with love in your heart and toss aside the bitterness of how far removed we are from the way holidays ‘used to be’. If you’re reading this you own, or have access to a computer and are as modern day as the rest of us. While wishing for simplicity in our lives we really don’t want to settle for less comfort. I used Thanksgiving and Christmas only because those are the holidays that I celebrate. Regardless of your faith or even those who don’t adhere to having any faith we still have love to share. When you are sharing your goodness and kindness it’s difficult to be cynical at the same time. When your child or grandchild is making you laugh are you thinking about the holiday commercialism? Can’t to both at the same time!
Smile, share yourself with others, worship if you choose, reach out a hand to those we might normally choose to ignore, and begin creating a new updated version of a Norman Rockwell holiday. Oh yeah, if you aren’t careful, you just may find yourself in the middle of some huge, commercial, shopping mall singing, “Joy To The World”!
Peace, Health and Happiness to all who read this.
