My 60-year-old husband is nearing retirement and I’m very concerned about it. Financially we’ve planned and saved well and are in good shape, but it’s the day-to-day reality of what he’ll do with his time and how it will affect our marriage that worries me. Can you give us some tips how we can make this transition work? I love my husband but I don’t want him around the house all day depending on me to keep him entertained.
Retirement Fearing Frankie,
Dear Frankie,
A successful retirement plan is about much more than just investing and saving. The psychological transition from working to not working can be harder than many anticipate and can create some real stresses in a marriage, so you’re wise to be planning ahead.
Multiple Transitions
The transition from work to retirement can be very difficult for some people because retirement is more than just not working. Think about what work does for you. For most people it structures your time, can be a source of intellectual stimulation, provides social contacts, gives you a purpose, and builds your self-esteem. In our society, you are what you do. Stop doing it and you can lose your identity. So leaving a job can cause multiple transitions that you have to adjust to.
Psychological Planning
Not considering the psychological component to retirement can be a big mistake. For some people, a steady diet of leisure activities can fill their days, but for many others, the initial excitement of having all that free time can quickly turn into boredom and even depression. So, what do you want to do for the next 20 years? Here are some tips to consider before you reach retirement that will help make the transition a little smoother:
• Preplan: Develop a list of things you enjoy doing. Focus on things that give you mental and personal satisfaction, and how can you attain those things in retirement.
• Seek advice: Talk to your friends, colleagues or others who are already retired. They have first-hand experience with the day-to-day reality of retirement and can give you their input on what to expect and how to plan.
• Spouse alert: Have lots of discussions with your spouse about what you’re both expecting in retirement. For example, how do you want to fill your days? How much time do you expect to spend together? Do you both want to travel? Where do you want to live? A common mistake many couples make in retirement is spending too much time together. So, before you retire develop some of your own hobbies and activities, and give your spouse a break.
• Counseling: Get help or support from a career counselor or therapist who specializes in work transitions. This is especially important if you’re the professional workaholic type who has spent the last 40 years building your career. You may need some help developing other interests and hobbies outside of work.
• Structure: Whatever you choose to do in retirement, create some type of a daily schedule of how you will spend your time and build in some routines that will keep you socially or professionally connected.
Resources
• The Next Chapter: This is an outreach initiative that offers programs in dozens of communities nationwide to helps people nearing retirement figure out – what’s next. Visit www.civicventures.org/nextchapter - click on “Directory.”
• My Next Phase: A retirement counseling firm (www.mynextphase.com) that provides a personality test as well as coaching, seminars and Web-based programs to help retirees find their passions.
• Your Second Life: A Web resource (www.yoursecondlife.org) that offers a psychological assessment tool similar to those used by college and career counselors and executive search firms to help you paln your retirement.
• Retirement Well Being: A free online planning tool that may be able to improve your preparation for retirement (www.retirementwellbeing.org)
