In England, I wanted Tony to see something more than the inside of a dance studio, so we grabbed him, put him in the car and rushed him up to St Catherine’s in Bath, which is our country home and just before it got dark he got to see how beautiful that place is. We were then joined by my sisters and a couple of friends and we had a wonderful late dinner there.
Then Tony and I decided to try and dance the tango in what we call the ballroom, it’s actually the drawing room. So we rolled back the carpet, pushed back the furniture and in this room that’s 250 years old and a house that dates back over 1000 years, Tony and I attempted to do the Tango. When I say attempted, it’s as if I’d forgotten everything he taught me. I knew he was really worried that I wasn’t going to be able to pull it off. My family watched as he said, “do it again, do it again”. But eventually I did manage to do enough of the Tango so they had an idea of what it was I was going to do and how hard it was. We tried to sleep that night, we had to get up really early, we had almost no sleep at all. We got on an airplane, went to Los Angeles, got off the airplane and went immediately to CBS where we had to do a camera rehearsal, then a costume fitting for the first time. This whole week has just been a blur.
Then Monday came and I had to perform. As upsetting as it was and I was near tears and that morning before I went to rehearsal I was just weeping on the telephone to my sisters in England and just saying “ I can’t do this” and my sisters said, “yes you can. You can do this for Mummy. Mummy was courageous, Mummy survived a concentration camp, Mummy survived all these illnesses, Mummy never ever complained about anything. You can do this and you can do this for her and you can do this for yourself.”
So I went out there on Monday and tried my best, but I literally could not focus. I was distracted, I was exhausted. I hadn’t slept, I was yawning. I didn’t know how I was going to do this. It wasn’t until I got out on the stage and they announced my name and the music started, that suddenly I looked in Tony’s eyes and I have no idea what happened. I was transported. I remember that the dance ended and I was standing before the judges and Carrie Ann was crying and they were saying really nice things to me and Tony was hugging me and Tom was hugging me. I couldn’t even remember what they said to me. I certainly didn’t remember dancing, I didn’t remember one step. I didn’t remember whether I did anything right or wrong.
When they gave me the scores I was completely dumbfounded because I couldn’t possibly have done it that well, not with the minimal amount of training that I’d had. Everyone, the professionals and all the other contestants just came up to me and said, “you were just amazing, you danced as if this is something you’ve done your whole life.” I said “well I didn’t dance it, my mother danced it from within me” Tony looked at me and said “you know what, I wasn’t dancing either. I don’t remember anything about this dance. I’ve danced my whole life and this is the one time where I danced, I looked in your eyes, the music went and I have no memory myself of the dance. I can’t remember anything.” Well, needless to say, we both went home and we were elated. Tony’ s wife Lena was amazing. She said, “that’s the best dance Tony’s ever done in Dancing With The Stars.” I said, “we had a friend with us, I think my mother was with us.” Tony believed that too. I came home and watched it on television and I was stunned, I couldn’t believe it. Everything Tony had taught me, everything that he had tried to get me to do, had just magically happened. I couldn’t believe how my back bend, I couldn’t believe the sharpness of the movements. I looked at it and went “wow.. I have to give full credit to my mother and Tony because I was just transported, I was just the vessel that carried that dance.



posted by Bronwen
I also want to offer my deepest sympathy to you at the loss of your beloved mother. I do think she would have been so proud of you for honoring her memory by giving your all to that gorgeous tango.
Peace,
Bron
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posted by HappyFeat
We were all transported watching you dance the tango. I think everyone who was aware of what you had to go through the past week were really pulling for you and praying for you, and wishing that we could lend strength to help you do this for your Mom. Anyone who has experienced the loss of a parent or close family member knows the exhausting, mind-numbing stress of dealing with the personal grief, the decisions, the physical strain that threatens to leaves you nearly powerless to function. You are a brave soul and we applaud you! We'll be watching and voting tonight! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! We believe in you, Jane!
Condolences, Barbara
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posted by sujaco
Prayers ascending,
Susan
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posted by MissMartha
On to another subject -- have you ever thought about designing your own yarn? I am an avid knitter and I am sure you could come up with some lovely colors.
God Bless You and Your Family
Martha
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posted by eonseditor
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posted by cloudyblue
Take care and keep well.
Linda
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posted by SwtStck
It was amazing how you danced with your mom's heart in yours. I can truly understand what you are saying... because I have had that same spiritual experience with loved ones who have left this world. It is such an awesome feeling to have your soul filled with the love of someone who's presence you can almost touch! You just know who it is and why they have come to give you a whisper of a kiss... the flutter of a caress... or the embrace of a breeze. These signs stay with us for eternity!
Your mom is still with you in your heart and soul.
She joined you and Tony on that dance floor. I sat there with my mouth wide opened as I watched you dance...and I too, felt your mom's love for you and your love for her materialize for all to see in that performance.
What a blessing you have been able to experience. I thank you and your mom for sharing that experience with all of us...and more especially for you sharing your personal thoughts with all of us on Eons as confirmation of what we witnessed that night with you. What a blessing, indeed!
Enjoy!
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posted by Akelei
Thank you once again for sharing your innermost feelings with us!
Love,
Akelei
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