Our house is too big these days. We have taken over the rooms that my children once claimed, still storing remnants of their childhood. But I won't leave just to downsize. Our comfort and pleasure lie here- in the space, the distance to neighbors, the glitter of starlight, the changing light of canyon glow on the landscapes around us. Someday the yard may become to much to maintain, the house too spread out to enjoy... but until then I consider myself of the luckiest people I know. I can walk out my back door and (going in the right direction) hike for miles through the desert, before encountering another house. Camera in hand, I can capture the flora and fauna that remain relatively undisturbed in this desert biome. My profession allows me to escape the stress and responsibility of work for weeks during the summer- travel unhindered, explore new places, enjoy a less hurried lifestyle before facing a new year of challenges. I am married to a man who appreciates the changes we have faced and have ahead of us. A lover who cultures romance, and makes life feel like an adventure in the making- we both intend to see where the journey leads us.... to the end. Content to enjoy what we have. Thankful for the years we see ahead of us - for the joys yet to be.
Feeling this fortunate also makes me leary that it all might come crashing down around me. This past year has been one of facing that fear..... of my father's death, my husband being diagnosed with prostate cancer. A cloud of fear, of dread, of unknown horizons. A reminder to not let fear and worry rob us of the joy of today. How easy it is to get caught in the chaos. How important it is to remember what matters.
A pretty heavy entry for my first post on this site. I guess I need to remind myself, sometimes. The stress of today pressing around me from many sides . . . but the real heart of life is calmer if I just stop and reflect.
