she had finally figured it out...at least from her perspective at that particular moment...she had never been good at sticking with her summations and evaluations...but they were indeed her lifeblood...she could figure things out only in a particular moment with the next moment changing the moment before...and she accepted that as good enough...drove the people around her crazy, but then they usually just were trying to keep up...some of them stayed and loved her for her obsession with logic and analysis, and her deep and tilted view of her circumstances... considered it part of her charm...most left her to her complexities, worn out from the exhaustive number of paths she would travel...she knew they would not stay long before they did...it was just the way things worked...she understood and watched them leave...she knew, more likely than not, that she had, in some way, orchestrated their departures...she wished she were different...she wished she were light and airy, instead of deep and intense...light and airy is better...everyone stays...everyone loves the puppies and rainbows that exude from the light and airy...deep and intense is far less appealing...examining the depth of the senses as part of her being left her only more questions, which she pursued with the same zeal as the questions before...she travelled to the deep, hidden places to explore, hypothesizing that the answers lie well below the obvious...drawing all around to the exploration of the deep, dank hallows of their beings...exuding self-examination...that is not so attractive...she had finally figured out that her life was driven by questions...that perhaps her quest was not driven by the answers, but by the search...for once she found the answers, the search would be over...then what would she do...