After writing in my first blog about the first time meeting someone from online, one of my Eon’s friends wrote a comment to me, “I don't always let the man walk me to my car. Most of the time, I meet the guy downtown, so I can park at my office and walk to the meeting place - then walk back.” I want to add this guideline to the ones that I wrote in my first blog. If you can find a place to meet that is public and within walking distance of your work it would be a great way to meet safely.
Also after writing my first blog, I had an Eon’s member, dellh553, contact me regarding a book he wrote, “A Boomer's Tour of the Dating World” it is available on Amazon.com. I am looking forward to reading it. view link
I previously wrote, “The most important thing about the first meeting is to be youself. Your best foot forward, yes, but still be yourself.”
I have had a few men misrepresent themselves in their profile and when we meant I felt they had lied to me. This is not the first impression you want to send or receive. Please don’t stretch the truth on your profile. Doing that is a sure formula for failure. I actually try to down play my profile slightly. It is my goal that when we first meet, he will say something like, “You are even better in person, than in your profile”. The best way to start out a meeting is with a compliment. If you meet a man and he makes a comment similar to, “I didn’t know THAT from your profile” and it is an important fact that could make or break a new relationship, it is time to edit your profile to reflect that information.
Writing a profile is tricky. Time and effort should be put into it. Realize that profiles are searched by keywords. Before writing your profile, make a list of keywords that are important to you and include them in your profile writing. After you write your profile, have someone of the opposite sex that knows you well, read it and have someone who hardly knows you read it. Listen to their comments and edit your profile. In profile writing you want to give enough information so that when you meet he/she won’t be shocked by your appearance or behaviors, but you don’t want to tell too much. A profile that is lengthy will discourage some people from reading it. Keep some of your positive information as a mystery to be shared at the first meeting. This can spark interest and chemistry. Guys when writing a profile try to be discrete. For example, if you are financial well-off and you want to share that in your profile, do it in a way that is not overly obvious. Women post photos where you look casual as well as, dressed up. Make sure your photos are current. Post photos that reflect who you are and what you like to do. Realize that your profile is simply your advertisement of yourself.
During my first few months of online dating I was very naïve. Each time I would make a date to meet someone new I would spend time fantasizing… this maybe THE ONE. I know it is hard but try not to do this. I had to learn the hard way that it is better to think of the first meeting as merely a new possibility. There will be time for the fantasy after you know each other better.
I had such a fantasy about a man I meant very early in my online dating experience. His profile was polished, his photo dreamy and his emails short but full of compliments. We emailed and instant messaged for weeks then he would back off on his contact and then start up again. He didn’t ask to meet me and I didn’t ask him either, although I hinted. I spent a lot of time wondering about him, he only lived about an hour away, why hadn’t he asked to meet me?
Ladies, this is what I now call, the Professional Dater. He is online everywhere and if you want a pen pal or a nice date he’s your guy, otherwise pass him up. The Professional Dater has an M.O. If you suspect you have meant one online here is what to do… go to several dating sites and search for him. He will most likely have a different username so you’ll need some searchable information. Search his city and narrow down the mileage around it tightly. Search for men that are only his age. Learn the tricks of using the search engines and make them work for you.
I found my Professional Dater on many dating sites. Now before you ask, “What’s wrong with that?” The answer is nothing is wrong with being on several dating sites but the profile information on each one should be consistent. Once you find his profile, look for inconsistencies. Notice if the profile looks like it has been online for a very long time. If so, he has been online dating for a very long time this could be a clue that he is a Professional Dater. I realized all of this after time had passed, two years of on again, off again contact. But I couldn’t convince myself to let him go without meeting. I decided to come right out and ask him, “Why haven’t we meant?” His answer was to set up a meeting date. Our first date was amazing, flowers, a beautiful, cozy restaurant and the theater. I must admit I was a bit smitten again. The second and third date also went well, but they were extremely orchestrated. There was never time for actually getting to know each other. After the third date I began looking at the whole picture and re-reading some of his old emails. The complimentary emails began to look generic. The on again, off again contact began to follow a pattern of being close to the same amount of time between each on/off period. I realized he probably dated a woman for a few months and then moved on. He had admitted that he had been dating online for a long time. The fantasy was over and I realized I was just one of many women who this Professional Dater had smitten.
I don’t look back on this experience as a bad experience. I learned that not everyone in cyberspace who is dating is looking for a relationship, even the ones who “say” they are may not be telling the truth. They may just want someone to date and there really isn’t anything wrong with this as long as they are open and honest about it. Be honest and respectful of the people you meet online and don’t be afraid to let them know up front what you want from online dating. Just keep it real!
