When I first started the battle trying to save my son from drugs he was in 8th grade. He had just tried marijuana and I never imagined that the battle would turn into a full fledged, drawn out, and vicious war. I never would have dreamed that I would still be fighting 6 years later. I would have laughed if you told me that I would work with under cover cops to try to save my son, or that my husband and I would drive around the city in terror trying to find him on many nights. I never would have thought that heroine would be a word with so much meaning for my whole family. Most of all I would have fainted if you told me that I would see my son almost die from an overdose, and that I would have watched him be loaded in an ambulance knowing that after he was treated he would go straight to jail.
Today my son went into detox officially for the second time, but on his own many other times. My insurance will pay for all of it, so I did it for the rest of us and not necessarily for him. In a way I think he should face the pain of withdrals, but I can't take the stress of it right now. I consulted with my surgeon about a disk replacement surgery on my neck this last wednesday. It is a really scary surgery for me and some of my other kids are actually worried about losing me. I am hoping to have the surgery during the first week of December, and I want to focus on the rest of my family for a change. Is it wrong to want peace for a few days? Is it wrong for me to feel relief more than anything else?