Safer to stay invisible, hide, do not show the ‘real’ me to many but those who are like me
Years of my youth spent in turmoil, isolation, rejection, yearning for acceptance
To fit in, be part of.
Scars, wounds that open up too easily at times,
God, Angels, loved ones, friends, and mentors help to stitch me up and just when I feel healed It happens I fall, I slide backward, I do something to reinforce how unlikeable I was.
Outcast, semi-out cast, dreamer, creator, friend to all of nature. Safer that way
Escape into nature, and befriend the bees, grasshoppers, praying mantis, stars, seashells, birds, cats, dogs, butterflies, fireflies, dragonflies, birds so many of God’s creature. Please take me with you to the sky away
Away above the world where people are
Self medicated, and was OK, fit in for a time, found Love, found someone who was not ashamed to be with me, and loves me. Two lost souls who found each other and shared love of nature.
Relationships with Nature and all of God’s creatures are simple, love and unconditional acceptance.
Safer to stay invisible, hide, do not show the ‘real’ me to many but those who are like me
Concentration, numb all the time, nothing got in, nothing got out, labeled ‘dizzy, airhead, four eyes, fat, ugly, name calling, picked last for every game. How did I graduate from college, high school, junior high, grade school? Frozen in my seat while those of royal popularity sat in the classrooms, in the lunch rooms, never go in there.
Gym was the cruelest torture of all, so much shame. Always picked last…
Younger Sisters were Swans, popular cheerleader, Class President, in Band, friends,
Lost my sister, my best friend in school to her and her popular friends, jealous me of her, her of me, and estranged and difficult to this day.
To this day she is friends with those who would not acknowledge my existence, so much time, so many things have happened.
So many years in recovery from the scars and my own internal struggles due to depression, how many times did I wish, I had the courage to check out, to stop the pain, make it go away.
The only way now is to save me is to help others, and stay on the spiritual quest.
Do not repeat the past, let go, and stay hidden, move like a turtle, fly like a hummingbird, do not let anyone get too close. Safer that way…
Oh, so much to be thankful for, so many special souls on this journey that I would have never met, if I had not gone through my early years, and all the years after.
Hide, your pain, your torment, know that the darkness will pass… need to get it out.
Neet to write, to draw, to dance, to cry, to scream, to escape, to pray, to help, and know that I must choose not to reject me,
I take all of me, at all ages, and hold us together close, and know that we are never alone.
For every one who leaves, or does not understand, or the emotion is too intense, there are 10 who would be there if I let them.
There is still time to change, and continue to change…. And grow stronger, and not be torn to pieces by people, places, and things that I cannot control.
I do not know the truth of anything around me, I do not know what is real or what is not.
There are no constants, there are no truths, when I am trapped in the darkness, when I curl into a ball in the darkness, with my mask on, only if you take the time to look know what is beyond the mask.
I try in the dark times, not for me, but for those who care about me. I would never hurt them by leaving, and would never risk an eternity without my loved ones.
That saves me in these times of darkness, it will pass and it will be OK.
I will heal again in time. I have found a voice, still it hurts to be rejected, not understood, and all these feeling brought back to the surface, instead of staying only in my nightmares.
But I trust, I pray, and I know that this will pass, words are like steps out of the darkness, a key to the puzzle, a way back from Hell to Heaven. ~LAngel