I am sick. I have rhinitis, sinitus, and what is mundanely called a head cold. Head cold. Pffft. Surely we can have a much better, more important-sounding medical title for this ailment. I am on death's door, I am quite sure of that, so calling it a mere head cold does not do the situation justice. It lacks the depth of significance that is needed to convey the fact that I am suffering from something fatal, lethal, and probably contagious, as well.

I hate being sick. I always look at being sick as a direct personal insult from the Universe. I am such a good person, I don't deserve this malady. It is a cosmic affront. And after I did all that meditation and junk, too. It is sooo not fair. Surely I merit better treatment than this.

From my vantage point semi-prone in my horizontal office (my bed) with my laptop sitting not on my lap but on my stomach, my chin almost on the keyboard, I can see I will never recover ever again in this lifetime.

I will never again run in the sunshine and dance in the rain. (Well, OK, I never did actualaly dance in the rain. I have always had enough sense to come in out of the rain.) But you understand what I am saying.

Never again will I hop on my chartreuse green scooter and pop up the mountainside to see the vista spread before me. No more in this life will I stroll into a classroom, plop my totebag of stuff on the teacher's desk and announce. "You have five minutes to review the irregular verbs from last class. Test in 5 minutes." I like to do that to watch the students panic.

Violins. I swear I hear violins. And organ music. And smell candles, and that overpoweringly sweet aroma of too many flowers. It must be an omen of my proximate funeral.

Oh, no. Wait. It's not that at all. It is something burning in the kitchen. What the heck is the R.H. up to?

I must get out of my death bed and go check on him. No point in dying in an untimely manner in a house ablaze before I actually die of this head cold.

I have Nyquil by the bedside. I should be fine tomorrow. If I don't die first.