The one who named me, the one whom I called for questions, the one who loved everyone unconditionally, the one who had been in my life for 63 years,which is as many as I am, is gone. She finally slipped away, sleeping her sleep from a cancer ridden body racked with pain and filled with 80 years of living.

In my life she was my touch stone. She was always there for everyone. She was intelligent, kind, loving, and so very funny. Today at her viewing the funeral home was filled with people I didn't know as well as many I did. Some weeping and many more looking at the photos of her life and remembering. A group over here laughing, some behind me crying and others, her children, politely talking to strangers because they were her children and required to welcome everyone and listen to them talk about their mother. I was her niece and she was my aunt, touchstone of honesty, rememberer of long lost details, stories of long ago, giver of love and laughter. We often commiserated about our bodies unwillingness to cooperate and move or do the things we wished. We talked about making noodles and all the kids always in and out of her house while I was growing up. I was there as often as the distance( 35 miles) allowed mom to take me. Her house was so different than ours, warmer, yes much warmer. Ours was always neat, clean, and unhappy. If I had a friend over in the house, no more than one. Hers was sloppy with kids, and coats and winter boots strewn in the corner and laughter. She was always in the kitchen cooking or on hot summer days, hair in pin curlers, sweating over the ironing board. She worked too. She was a waitress while the kids went to school and Uncle Bob drove a mail truck.

I remember most holiday meals was at her house. Mom would drop me off on Friday after school and I would help make the noodles for the meal on Sunday. Lots of food and then the adults played cards and since I was the oldest kid sometimes my cousin Gary and I was permitted to go to the movie uptown, by ourselves. Unheard of today, we walked. The kids played. She and I often talked of those days and she would tell me of this thing and that, grown up details that I didn't know then. She talked of her marriage and how it should have been more. She talked of her kids and how they turned out so well. I talked of not understanding my mom and she didn't either, her twin. She and I seemed more suited to be parent and child. We both so loved our family and being with them is and always was the most important thing in our lives. Details of my life that made sense when I learned from her adult point of view.

What am I to do without her? Go on I know, but oh what a hole in my life there will be. She's no longer at the end of the phone for when I'm wondering, or not feeling well, or we have doctor appointments to go to and then lunch. The last time out of her house was with us to the doctor and then lunch. We had so much fun, we laughed all the way back into her house. A silly remark I made, cracked her up and us. Laughing was easy with her. Good bye my dear aunt, friend and confident. I know you will always be with me because you are so much a part of me. There are so many who feel the same. You loved many and it was returned happily. Specially from this niece who doesn't know how to remember a childhood without you in my adulthood, my beloved Aunt Paulie.