Alone

My friend tells me he is lonely. I, however, cherish my solitude. We both live alone.

I wish I could share with him the strength I get from spending time with myself. He feels needy, I feel enriched.

I think my secret is that I'm an introvert. Mind you, I'm very skilled at extroverted activities. I am a former elected official who represented 30,000 constituents. I didn't get *that* job without being able to deal with crowds and attention.
But being with crowds tires me. At the end of the day, I only want to go home and shut the door.

When I was single, I had a rule: If I spent one weekend alone, reading, working in the garden, and not seeing anyone from Friday night until Monday morning (bliss........), I would do one social activity the next weekend that required me to work at a project with other people.

Growing up, loners were heroes. Cowboys were the quintessential loners, and we admired them for their independence and individuality. Nowdays, loners are crazed criminals.

What changed? I think the word was hijacked by the extroverts. Extroverts are energized by being with others, and have difficulty being by themselves. Extroverts are punished by being excluded, so they imagine that choosing to be excluded from the crowd is self-punishment.

The angry excluded-extroverts, the ones who feel marginalized, DO plot revenge. They kill classmates at Virginia Tech and Columbine. They are needy and seek attention.

Those of us who choose to be outside the crowd are *grateful* when people leave us alone.

I don't know what to tell my lonely friend. Being an extrovert does not necessarily mean you have the skills to maintain the relationships you want and need. I'm aware of those skills because I have to consciously use them so frequently. He, however, thinks they should come naturally.

So I offer the usual platitudes: join groups doing the things you like to do, get involved in politics, join a civic club, volunteer to somehow make the world a better place for others.

Because, you see, *I* don't understand how anyone could not like being alone.