What is a friend?
There is a ton of literature (and I use the term loosely) about friendship and what it means to be/have a friend. There are all kinds of friends too. There are social friends, activity friends, and then there are the close, even intimate friends. There are fair-weather friends, needy friends, and even hurtful friends. So what is a friend? (I am limiting my discussion to human friends, although many of us believe that we will never find the level of companionship in others that we have experienced with our pets.)
A friend is someone we enjoy being with. A friend is someone we want to share things in our own lives with, and want to share things in thier lives as well. A friend is someone who takes your well being as seriously--sometimes more so--that their own. A friend is someone you hope will come out of their current difficulties ahead of where they were when they got into them. And if you can help them, better yet! A friend is someone who will tell you a truth that needs telling, even if you don't want to hear it. A friend is someone you know will have your back, and whose back you will cover as well. A friend is someone you can disagree with, and know they won't shut you out, or leave you standing alone. A friend doesn't lie to you, either by what he says or what he doesn't say. A friend is someone that can reach at to you for help or support without fear of rejection.
Looking at these descriptions, it's clear that not everyone I called a friend above is really a friend. Many are acquaintances. People we get along with in a specific activity such as work, sports, or socail gatherings, but who don't really meet the criterea I listed. Some acquaintances can become friends, and occasionally a friend may drop to acquaintance status. An acquaintance isn't committed; a friend is. An acquaitance may abandon you; a friend, never. Sometimes a friend may let us down, disappoint us, even hurt us. But if we are truly friends, those issues are quickly resolved. Many times the disappointment or hurt comes not from a friend's behavior, but from our own expectations and needs not met as we may have wanted them to be.
Of those in our lives who ARE friends, there are sometimes a few--or maybe one or two--that are special friends. Friends that you can pour your soul out to and not be ridiculed. Friends that will see you through your emotional storms, and not run away. Friends that will face your anger to tell you that you are wrong to want that, or do this, or say that.
Not everyone has friends like this. If you do, treasure them. Never, NEVER take them for granted. Friendship needs nourishment, or it can die. It is a tragic event when an affair of the heart ends, especially when it was not of your choosing. But we all eventually heal from that sadness, and move on with our lives. But to lose a real friend, to experience the death of a close friendship is something from which we may never completely heal. Don't get too busy to take time for your friends. Don't get so impatient with your friends' shortcomings that you shut your friend out of your life. Don't stop sharing your life with your friend, or you will see starvation set in. Soon, too soon, the friendship withers, and dies.
