This week has been filled with periods of doing the administration of my Albie's passing and sitting on the couch staring. I am glad that I am taking some time to "recover" because everything is messed up here. I find myself wandering and then, I look at something that needs to be done and I work on it. Nothing ever gets totally finished before I have to walk again. Including this blog...BRB

The phone rings constantly. Yesterday, a friend who bailed on us when Albie's dementia passed "a point of no return" called to express condolences, cry and promise to come to the memorial service. It was nice to hear her voice, we worked together for years and years but well, you know bittersweet. When she left the last time - Albie told me I couldn't count on her. I won't.

I called the mortuary yesterday and I am waiting for Death Certificates - 10 letters have gone out. I called the urologist yesterday who discovered the tumor and let him know Albie died. Closure...closure...I need to shut the painful doors for good. BRB.

I just loaded the dishwasher and got the counters cleaned up. I am freaking out that I have a guest coming (my sister) a week from today and I have to get the guest room ready and "entertain someone". The guest room has a bunch of boxes filled with medical supplies and a have a tub in my closet that is the same. I am trying to find somewhere to donate them…I just called a woman who I met at the Caregiver Support group I attended until I could no longer leave Albie alone – she would love to have all the pull-ups, chux and such.

The bigger thing with my sister’s visit - I will have a witness to my confusion and lack of focus. I hope by then I am able to keep it together.

The last time my sister was on a plane was when she flew to Germany with her husband while he was in the Army when she was 18 or 19. She is on Medicare so now…it has been awhile. She is anxious about coming and I have offered her an “exit” a couple times but her tickets are bought and she is finally going to see our house. I hope I can make her visit pleasant – everyone who comes to AZ – goes to the Grand Canyon.

I am still speaking in “plurals” and I’m not going to stop for awhile – “we do this…we are fine...our house.” I actually think that it is okay. No one listens to pronouns. BRB...

Albie’s page on tribute.com is up and a few people have commented. I am finding pictures for the memorial but you know how hard that is to go through albums and such. One half of me is having a wholesale clean out and the other is stopping to reminiscence about everything. My clutter is going but his stuff has still has a place.

Everything I did for him while he was dying and everything I do now with his things has a different feel because I know I will never do it again.