This past weekend, I had the great pleasure of spending those two days with my daughter, Astrea, her husband, Brian, and three of my grandchildren, Sabrina, Kyle, and Nico. It was a great pleasure, in many more ways than one, as it was the first time in twenty years that I was able to spend the time with her, and because despite that, it turned out quite well!
As a bit of history, i'll offer this. The last time I was able to be a part of her life, was when we celebrated her, and her brother's, birthdays. They were both born in January, he the 11th, she the 17th. The year was 1989, his 4th birthday, her 13th! Everyone was having a great time, and Astrea wasn't due home until the next day. That night we got a call from Crow's aunt, telling us that Crow's father was on his deathbed. Knowing that we wouldn't be able to take her back home the next day, as we were leaving for TN that evening, we started out for Astrea's grandparent's house, which is where she, and her mother, were staying. Astrea asked us to take her with us, and had I known what was going on with her mother, and her grandparents, I would have done so, and dealt with the consequences later! In any case, when we got back to MI, and my next visitation weekend came up, her mother started with the, "she can't go with you this weekend, because I can't trust you to get her to her dance recital" excuse, as a means of witholding my visitation. It was the umpteenth time such a thing had happened, I had spent thousands of dollars taking it to court, to no avail, and it was taking far too much of a toll on both mine, and Astrea's emotion's, to let it continue. So, having a new family to take care of, and thinking that we would both be better off, sans the emotional roller coaster, I decided to put off TRYING to maintain visitation, until Astrea was of an age to be able to tell her mother that she was going to visit with me whether her mother wanted her to, or not! Little did I know that her mother had already, virtually, turned over Astrea's custody, to her grandparents. This, while her mother was right there in the same house, and later moved out, without Astrea, had a profound effect of, perceived desertion, on Astrea. And my unwitting action, had the same effect on her, toward me! So, when, 5 years later, I tried contacting her, to try to reestablish some kind of bond with my daughter, she reacted in righteous frustration, and quite understandably so! Anyway, persistance over the years, and a constant communication, won me a chance to redeem myself, and this visit was it's culmination! End of history class, back to presentation!
Most everyone, familiar with our situation, fully expected Astrea to be ready to do battle. This, because, right up until just shortly before she agreed to my visit, she was still acting very standoffish. However, just as we were setting up the timing of my visit, her attitude changed, and much to my relief, for the better. I, myself, went with absolutely NO expectations, at all, quite willing to treat this as a brand-new relationship, and things turned out fantasmagorically!!! Astrea introduced me to the kids as grandpa Dan, which was something NOBODY expected to happen. She also introduced me as, "my dad, Dan", to all of her friends that we met, and their children! Now, as heartwarming as this was to me, I later became a bit unsettled by such a 'Title'. For, I, myself, reserve the title of, 'Dad', for the male figure that is there to "rear" the child. And, for Astrea, in any case, I wasn't! Yes, I AM her 'Father', but I AM NOT, her "Dad"! In fact, the closest thing she has ever had to a "Dad", was her grandfather, who has departed this life, as has her grandmother, who was the closest thing Astrea has ever had to a "Mom"!
To put it as plainly as I can, as I thought about it, which, thankfully, didn't happen until I was on my way back to my daughter, Jamaica's, place, I became a bit unsettled, but at the same time, honored, by the way Astrea had introduced me to everyone. As silly as that may sound, those simple, interchangable, 'Titles', had opened up an entirely, world-changing perception for this old wolf! Perhaps it was meant to be JUST THAT WAY, as I now have a GOAL to work toward...

Namaste