I’m not talking about politics, for a change, but the battle between the left and right sides of my brain. It is an interesting struggle. I find myself lacking the motivation to find another job doing something I don't enjoy and deciding whether to just go ahead and retire and pursue other means of making a living. The right side of my brain is beckoning, and the voice keeps getting louder and louder.

I spent all of 2008 unemployed and in January I took a short term contract knowing full well that it was not permanent when I took it. I was told at the beginning of May that my contract would end in mid-June, plenty of time to look for another position. After last year’s experience, and considering the current state of the economy, I’ve been reevaluating things. Quite frankly, I’m not motivated to compete with a bunch of really young people with fresh college degrees willing to work for half of what I have been paid recently.

During that year off, a mixture of not so great experiences and multiple blessings, I discovered a love for doing something creative. I never had that opportunity before. So typical of my generation, I chased the dollar, saved, invested, and managed a whole year without a paycheck. The hardest part was living off investments that were decreasing in value at the same time. Throw in a surgery and recovery, a car accident that was my fault, and a few other things, and it was a difficult year. I was glad to return to work, even if it was for a short time.

This time, things are very different. That short term job allowed me to reinvest almost half of what I withdrew from my investments, and the stock market has also turned around quite nicely. With a little bit of knowledge, a panic attack in October, and a lot of luck, I have managed to do quite well this year, earning what I had in 2007, the last full year I worked. It’s not that I don’t enjoy working, I do, I just am tired of the rat race and dealing with stress. I would rather spend my time developing my other skills.

I think I have a fairly decent eye when it comes to photography. I would like to invest in better equipment, take a few photography classes and see where things go from there. I would also like to spend more time writing, something I never really did much of before last year. All sorts of ideas are floating around up there, but I need to put it down in an outline, keep notes, and dedicate myself to setting aside a certain amount of time each day just to work on taking that outline and putting it into the computer. I need to learn to keep something with me at all times to jot down those ideas before they slip away.

One of the things I have learned in the last five years is that I don’t multitask well. I need to learn to write things down. I’m also considered “anal” when it comes to things. Even though what I write may be fiction, I would want it to be historically accurate to the era the story is written about. I’m willing to do the research, and thank goodness the internet makes it easier.

It’s time for me to quit procrastinating, make some plans, and do it. If not, I guess I could just get another job.