It was one year since my mother's death on July 3. It has been a sad and strange year for me. Getting on with life can be difficult. I wasn't working this year until June. Too much time on my hands. Some days were ok other's not so much. Mother's day was the most difficult by far. We had planned to go to the grave which is about an hour's drive away. Bought flowers the day before. In the morning, I found myself wracked with pain in my heart. Not physical, mind you, but just as painful. Walking was an effort and I knew that feeling all too well from the early days after my Mom left this world. I had learned not to fight it too hard at first. I went back to bed and did my best to put my grief to sleep. There would be no trip that day. Oddly enough releasing myself from the obligation I felt to do what I had planned, released some of the pain. We opted to go the next weekend.

Needless to say I was not looking foreward to the first week in July. It was going to be much worse, I feared. Salvation came from an unlikely place. An old boss of mine offered me a j ob teaching grooming at his shop where he was starting a school. The holiday rush put those plans on hold but keeping busy was just the thing I needed.

Friday, July 3 is the traditional busiest day in the shop for the holiday rush. Though bad feelings did peek through during any break or lull in the action, the day went much faster than it would have had I been home moping around.

We went to the In-Laws for the 4th so, again, keeping occupied made things a little better. They say everyone has to work through their grief their own way and in their own time. The length of time must vary for each person.I never considered before how very long some deaths could take to "get over".

This morning we made the trip to the grave, cleaned off the headstone and put a silk bouquet on the grave. Now evveryone driving past the cemetary can see the flowers and know there are loved ones who care for her and miss her. And I do miss her.

The lesson from all this for me is grieve when you need to, keep busy when you can, and remember the good times. Life is too short to worry about what you can't change.