A Man I Never Met Still Talks to Me.

We never met. I never received personal correspondance. But he talks to me from time to time.

I had found his name on the anysoldier.com site back in early December of 2005. The anysoldier site connects people with military contacts of a unit. Some of the contacts post information regularly. He was one who did.

I found his name shortly after he had posted his November 29th message. I read with growing interest and then became mesmerized as he described the opening ceremony for a new school. As he talked and I looked at the included pictures, I began to get a sense of the what it must have been like. When he talked of the two girls and what they said, I began to realize just how different things are for them - of how they must have felt - part joy - part fear. From his words, I could get a sense of what he himself was feeling.

I sent a package. I wanted to be a part, a very small part to be sure, but a part of what he and his crew were doing. I eagerly read his older posts and checked for new postings hoping to learn more about the girls and the school and more about him - the man I never met, but who had touched my heart with his words.

Then, just after Christmas, a notice was posted:
"1st Sgt. Tobias C. Meister, 30, of Jenks, Okla., died south of Asadabad, Afghanistan on Dec. 28, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV during combat patrol operations."

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His descriptions - His words are powerful. He speaks of courage, of perserverence, of perspective. If you take the time to go and read his words, you'll not go away unaffected. But the choice, of course, is yours.

There's not a way to link directly to his page or to the post about the opening of the girl's school. However, there is a way to get to it.

1. Go to view link
2. Hover over "Where to send" in the top menu and click on "Lost Any Soldier Contacts"
3. When the new page opens, Click on Search.
4. Click in the circle by the red "Old" and type in Meister in the box by "last name".
5. It will turn up 1 Search result. Click on Meister, Tobias
6. Scroll past pictures and entries until you get to the 29 Nov 2005 post.
7. Then scroll down to the picture of him cutting the ribbon at the opening of the school. Scroll back up to the paragraph just above the picture and start reading.

Perhaps you too will be humbled by the courage shown by the two young girls and the courage of the young serviceman who was inspired by them. Perhaps, Toby will speak to you off and on in time to come and ask you, like he asks me, "What scratches are you making today?"

A man I never met still talks to me.

Added: November 21, 2010

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"29 Nov 2005

Hello everyone,

It’s been a while since I last updated, again. The optempo just doesn’t seem to slow down around here. Actually, I’ve been extremely ill for the past five days. Caught some nasty bug. Up until this point I hadn’t had the stomach problems that seems to be a common thing for troops overseas. In fact, I was pretty proud of my stomach of iron. I love the local food and eat it when ever I get the chance. Sanitation isn’t all its cracked up to be here, and dish soap is unheard of, but none of that has ever bothered me… until now.

Thanksgiving went over well. Our chow hall does an outstanding job. The turkey was moist, the stuffing outstanding. Even had three different kinds of pie. I got to admit, our Staff Sergeant does a better job than any other chow hall I’ve ate at. Now that is something to be said for where we are.

Last entry I spoke of how our Interpreters were taking the donations sent by you all, out to the local schools and communities. This has been a great thing (for the lack of a better word). The donations are getting out more rapidly, especially now that winter has set in. School supplies are getting to the teachers and kids quicker as well. It has been great watching through the pictures they bring back. You can see the kids looking at their own people with awe. Its good to see them see their own as role models. This is another stepping stone of building the Afghan people up, after so many years of being torn down. I thank you all again for your donations. The coats, the shoes, the blankets, gloves, mittens, toys, books, paper, pens… everything. Thank you.

I received an email requesting that I be specific with the needs of the troops. The only thing we’ve fallen short as of late is laundry detergent (powder form). We started helping out some of our local workers with hygiene and have depleted our resources quite rapidly. If anyone sees a sale on some cheap detergent, that would be great. Thanks. We got mail a few days ago, and we received many great things. Got lots of coffee mugs. We appreciate them. They’ve been great for warming up soup when my stomach would handle it. Got some homemade salsa and beans from my folks back home. That was a huge hit with the troops. Mom’s salsa can’t be beat. [Supporters: Please DO NOT send homemade food yourselves... soldiers don't eat it if they don't personally know the sender--Support Team] Still think the best thing I got was a photo of my wife and son holding up the birthday card they made for me. Seems the Army lost the card for now (I’m sure it’ll show up… sometime in December)… Got to love the pictures from home!

The following paragraphs were being written just before I fell sick, and after you read them you may notice a little difference in my tone of writing, or maybe just toward the end. I thought about deleting it, but then thought that would be an injustice to paint a pretty picture on top of something that isn’t. I still stand by my words, just usually reserve them for the individuals that need to hear them. Certainly not intended to offend all, just those it applies to… so, please feel free to pass this on to those that need to hear it… from another troop on the front… (just so there is no mistake in which paragraphs I refer to, I put an astric at the front of each)

Friday was the opening of the Fatima Girls School. This project has been a pain since I got here, but finally we have it completed and will be opening it soon. This is one of those projects started by the previous team about a year ago and dropped on me with little direction. The problems transcended the norm, you know…’where the contractor says it will take so long, and then it takes twice as long’. The contract and monies used for funding were screwed up, but Uncle Sam found a way to make things right, and did.

We opened the Girls School, the first secondary school in the province for girls. There was probably 300 to 400 people at the grand opening, ranging from the Deputy Governor to District Leaders to Elders to War Lords (ex) to Teachers. But the best part was the 100 to 200 school girls that attended. At first they sat to the side of the chairs some 50 feet from the ceremony, facing toward the stage with their face showing. By the time the masses arrived for the event, they were all turned away and their faces covered. Surprisingly, during the ceremony, two different times, a small group of girls came up to the podium and sang an Afghan song. If I can get SSG Johnson to figure out how to record the sound off the video clip I’ll send it out to all. I won’t say it was pretty, but it was like what you’d see on discovery channel or in a movie, almost eerily ethnic. That’s a terrible description, but I can’t think of a better way to describe it.

There was also two high school girls that spoke. Both’s hands shook as they read from the speech they wrote out. One girl, poor thing, her whole body shook as she spoke. They were scared to death, not really of speaking, but, to me, what might happen to them for speaking. I was sitting on stage next to Rubie, our CAT-2 (American Citizen) Terp. She told me what the girls were saying. One of them asked that her brothers not take away the gift (the school) given to her, that they not beat her for wanting to learn, that they not keep her ignorant anymore. The other girl recited a poem she wrote. I’ll probably get it wrong, but it went something like the following. “We are coming out of a dark winter. The school is my spring. Here we will plant flowers and grow.” Then she mentioned something about her hands being bloodied since as long as she has known, but now the coalition brought her a cloth to wash her hands with, and then she asked that her brothers help her wash the blood from them.

There are those things you never forget. This is one.

I wasn’t going to speak at the engagement, because up until that moment I’d become a tad bitter from all the problems of the Afghan people being thrown on my shoulders, day in and day out. During the ceremony, I actually had two people walk up on stage to slip me a note, in pashtu, asking for a job, and another for a radio. Couldn’t believe how brash these individuals were. I certainly do not mean to discredit any one individual’s needs, but it is the frustration of trying endlessly to get the masses, not the few, to take ownership of their government, their solutions, their abilities untapped. I digress. So I spoke, with the help of our interpreter, Shahi. My sixty seconds of fame was just telling them that I appreciate the many thanks (there really were many this day) and that it was my turn to thank them. I said that “the PRT works hard, but there are so many needs that it feels like running up a giant mountain, and I am running short of breath. Today I am inspired (addressing the girls to the side) by your strength. I thank you for filling my lungs with a new breath of air.”

Didn’t get much of a warm reception from the crowd. I think they were pretty chapped that I addressed the women, and spoke right to them. Didn’t matter. Those few girls that were brave enough to stand… I can’t explain how brave they were. I can barely imagine the repression, and I have eyes on every day. It brought perspective back and gave me a good jolt of well needed energy to keep on keeping on.

There is no way we will make a full 180 on equality/women’s rights here in Afghanistan in the near future, and certainly not under my watch. We won’t pave a path, or make a trail. What we can do is make scratches in the earth, and hope someone else comes along and does the same. Eventually, over time, the change will occur. Today we made scratches; good ones.

*Over the last few weeks I’ve received emails and had a conversation with a ‘civilian’ in regards to the fighting, the bombing, etc. One of the questions posed was, why we’re still conducting such activities, instead of focusing our efforts on reconstruction… After all, ‘winning hearts and minds’ is the solution for the long term war. Please forgive my shortness, but we will never win the hearts and minds of everyone. That is not opinion, that is logic/fact/obvious. There are many here that still hate us as much as they did on 9-11. When the ‘American’ reporter asked our CAT-2 Terp if she was disgusted by having to work with American troops doing such ‘terrible things’ to ‘her’ country, she replied shortly, “Are you kidding?”.

*The things that must be done are done, but make no mistake, we follow a code of conduct, a values system deeply embraced, and the laws of war. Some of what is done is fighting. Some of it reconstruction. Only through a mix of both will we win the whole war; that’s the fight today and the fight tomorrow. Please forgive my irritation, but I am beginning to lose my patience with all the ‘touchy feely/politically correct/sensitive types’ speaking ill about what we do, how we do it, the reason behind it, and what they would have done. There are only two options, win or lose. Most people understand what must happen to win. Most people understand what losing means. 9/11 plays out in my head every day I get our intel brief, and I’ll be damned if I stand by passively hoping the bad guys will have a change of heart because I’m building the country a bridge, school, power plant, etc. That’s just asinine. We’re (the non-kinetic types) not here to win the hearts and minds of the bad guys. We’re here to help a beaten down group of people come out from under a regime of repression and give them a fighting chance. If the bad guys do have a change of heart, great. It just better be before we reach their doorstep.

*Certainly don’t mean to punish all with this ranting, just because a few people out there are exercising the right to free speech. Just wish some would exercise some common sense and grit.

With all of the excitement here, there has been an equal amount back home for one of my Soldiers. Big Mac (SGT McClaws) is the proud father of a new baby boy. That’s his fourth kid! He wouldn’t have admitted it without being asked, but he says he’s not too thrilled about being back. I imagine after I take leave, I won’t be too thrilled about leaving my wife and son again, either. If its this hard with one, I can only imagine leaving four little ones behind.

I turned 30 the other day. Wow do I feel old. I’m sure some of you are knodding your head in agreement, and others knodding your head in disgust. Its all a matter of perspective though. As one of my former coworkers put it, it beats the alternative. This is true.

Got more pictures of my son via email. I must say, I think these are my favorite ones, him eating spaghetti. What a mess.

I best close, I don’t mean to make these entries so long. After a while, I’m not sure if I’m posting these for posterity’s sake or for therapy. (that was meant to be funny) Either way, until the next entry…

Toby

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Rest in Peace, Toby.