Dear Guy,
'will not be joining you tonight: Are you on blogTV as I write this???? Hang on: I'm comin' (metaphorically, you dog).
'am more than a bit concerned about "fame."
Who am I, to be a celebrity????
Have I, or haven't any of us/have:Yes: We ALL have/been "groomed" for a lifetime of "participation," at the least!!!!
What is the price of "moving on"???? (See Red Foxx, Johnny(sp?) Carson, both well loved, etc.)
Is my "foundation" even sure????
IS "the world" being "nurtured," I somehow think many/(most?) would doubt it:
AND
am I, is anyone, really exposed, enough, to the masses of horrors and suffering (of all kinds...) around the globe, for openers????
What's more: To whom/(What????) do we owe our fortitude???? Fortune???? Misfortune????
Until I am sure I can make "things" better: I hesitate to move forward, although I value my friends, of course, and miss you, all, tonight.

I remember a time when my worst enemies were, in fact, my best friends, the most "productive" people around...and I didn't know it!!!!

I think of the real experts at public disclosure: people like Homer, Jesus, Gandhi, the Dali Lamma(sp?), our leaders, for the VAST most part, those "hidden" people, the people who spend lifetimes, studying, learning, growing in (the recently deceased actress of the Redgrave family) and how tangential life IS!!!!
I tire of the "philosophy" that we "get even more than we asked for," (..."and better, eventually!").
I think there is LESS suffering than I fear (80% misery) and more "happiness++" than I guess at, or that the press talks about, but I am not an "educated" man, not well-travelled, not exposed to much past my own thoughts-and navel, and I see, opening up before me, a "bully lecturn" to which I do not feel I am worthy.
Hell, man: I am NUTS!!!!
Truly, truly NUTS!!!!
A believer in the "actuality" of Twilight Zone-like "REALIT(IES!!!!)!!!!"
I think it's as important to pay attention to stuff that'll never be, as it is to pay attention to food, drink, even hygiene and comfort--let alone curiosity, humor, luxuries, spiritualism and all things necessary to human life: Hell, man, I'm 1/2 alien, or mutant, or something!!!!
Maybe we're all a little nuts, i don't know.
I'd tell a joke-but I was never good at that.
I'd like to thank everyone-living, dead, and to-be-born, in ANY "reality."
Morphing, inanimate, inorganic, non-existent, etc., etc.
AND I SMOKE!!!!
And I haven't even contemplated what sins I'll accept in MYSELF: or what offends God or "the powers that be," or EVEN IF THERE ARE "Powers that Be."
I'm so "white bread" I can hardly STAND myself,
and I've gone back on a high-school promise to myself: to always HATE MYSELF: it's a valid idea I'm going to try to bring back: to me, for me.
g'night
good luck
remember the "Harvest of Shame," Edward R. Murrow's last major work, I think: a documentary on "illegal" aliens--the downtrodden who make our (!!!!) lives POSSIBLE!!!!
How many more are we killing, hurting, horribly: and receiving benevolence, unseen, in return????
And I don't even know ART or Music or Dance or CULTURES...all the Cultures...all the ways of BEING!!!!
my little stuff will go on
will other people's, peoples', other beings???? other non-beings????
My posse "sleeps w/the fishes."
g'night
I'm exhausted.

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