“YOU’VE COME A LONG WAY, BABY”

BY Vicki Ellis Griffis

Credit card waving in the air, I run through the Mall of America yelling “CHARGE”! Overloaded with packages, I carry some to the car and race back for more.

That is the scenario Sammy imagines as he ventures into the largest mall in America with a wife grinning like the Cheshire Cat. The Mall of America, a woman’s dream - a man’s nightmare. .

“How awesome, Sammy!“ I yell. “Can you believe there is a roller coaster in the middle of the mall?” The look on his face tells me riding this monstrosity with him in-tow is NOT happening. I feel a little tug at my heart picturing my little granddaughter, Katelyn squealing with glee if she were here and how much she would enjoy riding it with her MiMi. I spot a Tilt-A-Whirl and run to get a picture. The shaking of Sammy’s head confirms there will be no amusement rides with him, EVER. “Look, one of the characters is named Austin,” I give it one more shot. He is not budging.

We sit and watch awhile, and my mind goes back to the last time Sammy ever rode an amusement ride. It was twenty-three years ago at Six Flags. The kids pulled him into the line, begging him to ride the Mini-Mine Train. Being the wonderful father he was, he agreed. It was not until we climbed that first steep hill and started going round and round, head popping first this way then that, when he and I realized he had been duped. We are on the Big Mine Train and through my laughter I can see - he is not a happy camper. I never could convince him I wasn’t in on that little scheme, and I don‘t think he talked to us for two weeks after that. From that day forth, he had been happy to sit on the bench and watch us ride to our heart’s content. I am sure not about to ride alone, so we head to another floor, more suitable for adults. On the way out, we pass the Legoland exhibit which features giant dinosaurs made out of Legos, yep, my granddaughter, Kylie’s favorite thing.

After looking around about an hour and not buying anything, I determine there really aren’t many stores here we do not have at home. “Let’s go,” I tell Sammy.
“Go, as in leave this place, or go, as in to another floor,” he asks hesitantly.

“Go, as let’s make like a tree and leave,” I mock his favorite saying. The look of surprise, excitement, and exhilaration on his face surpasses any I have seen on this trip so far.

Actually, it dawned on me while I was writing this, he planned this stop AFTER we had already spent most of our budget! He is much smarter than I give him credit. But you can’t win with a wife who has traveling in her blood. I have made a list of all the things we will do with the grandkids when we bring them back up there!

One thing Sammy had worried about was getting from Minnesota to Wisconsin without crossing over the Mississippi River Bridge Yep, the same eight-lane steel-truss arch bridge which carried 140,000 vehicles daily and catastrophically failed during the evening rush hour on August 1, 2007, collapsing to the river and riverbanks beneath, killing thirteen people and injuring 145 others. That bridge. I had looked online and assured Sammy they would route us elsewhere, as the bridge had not been restored. Well, sometimes the information on the internet is not always current.

“UH! OH!” I see the cranes and chains and machinery alongside the bridge - too late! We are now crossing over it. I know I am in deep trouble now. He may not speak to me ever again. But much to my surprise, he is taking pictures of the river below. I give him a confused look and he beams once we are safely across, “I wasn‘t worried at all. You can bet this bridge is now the Safest Bridge in America.”

“You’ve Come a Long Way Baby,” I laugh.

I was saving my money for the Treasure Island Casino and Resort in Redwing, Minnesota where we had planned to spend the night. Trying to find a parking place, we are amazed at the acres and acres of cars. After all, it is a week night. When the front desk informs us their 500 plus rooms are all filled, we are amazed. Who would have thought? “Is there a convention?“ I ask. “No, it is like this every night,” they reply. Evidently, news of the bad economy crisis has by-passed Redwing. Darn, I should have shopped the mall!

We head back to the car, hoping to find a hotel by dark. By the time we make it out of the parking lot, I realize we are too late. We decide to pull into the first hotel we see but I miss the drive. I make a U-Turn and that is when I hear Sammy scream. As we bounce and clunk and are thrown first this way and then that, I grasp too late - the median, which in my night blindness had looked painted, was definitely not. In fact, it is about an six-inch high curb and I have straddled it, much to Sammy’s chagrin. I really can’t hear what he is screaming (due to the noise the car is making as I spin out over the hump), and that is probably a good thing! Sammy gets out and determines that a miracle has occurred. There is no damage to the car or the curb. I study his face in the headlights and I have to chuckle as I think, “Well, I did get you to go on an wild amusement ride with me after all.”

But of course, I would never say anything like that out loud.