The other evening I sat thinking about my biological family. My brother, sister and I are are all that's left. Mom's been gone since 1980 and Dad passed last year. Dad was really hard to take because he'd been hospitalized with a stroke, went to rehab, got out and was doing wonderfully. He was 73 and was making plans with his 40 year old girlfriend (what can I say? At least she wasn't 21!), to go on vacation. Then, all of a sudden, he drops dead in the middle of his kitchen floor! It was shocking and unbelievably sad.

I am soooo happy Dad got to come out again the year before he passed. His health wasn't so good so sitting on a plane for a couple of hours was painful for him but he did it. He LOVED California and adored my daughter. He was quite a character, too! lol Although I'm always sad when I think about his passing, I am thankful we had developed a good, loving relationship. In this life, it's all about relationships and we should never forget it.

I stress this always to my daughter. Whether it's your relationships with family, friends or God, keep in mind that one day, you won't have the opportunity to tell that someone how much you care. I mended my relationship with my father some time ago. We had not been close for many years and he really wasn't a good father when we were growing up. He cheated on my mother, they divorced and I simpy didn't like the man. We'd been estranged for some years when I decided to put my feelings down in a letter to him, expressing my dislike of his behavior and letting him know what a lousy job he'd done as a parent. I didn't know what to expect but I was shocked at his response.

He called me and started to cry as he apologized! He told me he'd prayed every night that I was safe, so far away from home. Ever since then, our relationship took a turn for the positive. I realized that people work with what they have. No, he wasn't the best father, but at least he wasn't one of those who sexually molested his children or beat them to a pulp! The wonderful thing is that once I got to know my father as an adult, I REALLY liked him. I get my sense of humor from him, amongst other things. He kept us in stitches the entire time he'd visit.

I would always remind my daughter to call her grandfather every other weekend, when he was alive. It meant so much to him as his other grandchildren only called when they wanted something, he said. I try so hard to impress upon my daughter that people REALLY do need each other, regardless of what they say. God made us this way. I tell her a little kindness and thoughtfulness go a long way.

Death is something nobody escapes. It is so painful, at times, to know that all the wonderful people that you grew up with, loved and depended on, and were such an integral part of your life, are now gone. Be kind, be good and loving to those close to you NOW. Make the call, write the letter, don't let life get in the way of keeping in touch. The sad thing is it's such an easy thing to do. It irks me when people tell me they didn't have time to make a phone call to just touch base with someone, to see how they're doing. That's insulting! Nobody is that busy, for God's sake. I have a friend in Illinois that irritates me with that rubbish. I used to initiate all our phone calls because we were best friends in Ohio. I am a very loyal friend (Scorpio trait), and I worried about her. When I asked why she never called me, she'd say, "I've been thinking about you". Well, I'd say, I don't have mental telepathy so why didn't you just pick up the phone?

At times, we've gone for over year without speaking on the phone. I had refused to call her, instead waiting to see if she'd call me. She never did so, I broke down and called her. I don't understand it. I told her, suppose one of us had passed in between this time. Is it really so hard with all this advanced technology to make a call?

All my wonderful family members, and I realize as an adult, just how wonderful they really were, are gone. I had some wonderful uncles! My Uncle Bruce was a big kid and we loved him so dearly! He always called us "Buckaroos". My folks would go on overnight fishing trips to Sandusky, Ohio and we'd stay with our dear grandmother. Uncle Bruce would come home from work (he lived with my grandmother), and we'd be over and he was always so glad to see us. We'd run and hug him and he'd say, "Are you Buckaroos spending the night? Let's order pizza!" I never knew why he called us that pet name or, what it meant, but as a child, I knew by the way he said it, that it was a special nickname for us. He was really a wonderful uncle.

His sister, my Aunt Bessie, was always like a teenager to me. She was slim and peppy and liked to wear jeans and a long sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up. She had a German Shepard named Danny, that she adored. She always fed him table scraps and most times, would cook special dishes just for him. She didn't understand that wasn't good for him. She just knew she loved him and wanted him to have the same good food we ate. She was such a sweetheart. She died of cancer several years ago and I didn't get to say good bye to her because she didn't want me to know she was sick.

My grandmother was a dear! I am so much like her, it's not funny. She taught me to love perfume. She would put empty bottles of perfume in her lingerie drawer and she'd smell heavenly as she walked out the door to go to church Sunday mornings. I learned a lot about faith in God and the importance of knowing that you are created for a purpose in this life. When I moved to California, I always called her and she'd cry on the phone telling me everyone had forgotten her, except me. Now, she'd say, I'm old and blind and of no use to anyone, so nobody wants to be bothered. I would be crushed hearing this! My brother and sister were still in Cleveland, so close to her and yet they couldn't pick up the phone or go by to see her??? How we'd LOVED going to grandma's house on weekends and spending the night! How could they forget so easily? I berated them over and over, but I suppose what grandma said was true: when you outlive your usefullness, people don't have time for you.

I have always been different from my brother and sister. My stepmother once told me she didn't believe I was blood relations with them, I was so different. I don't understand how you can so quickly forget someone that was so kind and good to you. I used to ask my sister if she'd called grandma. She'd reply that when she did talk to her, grandma would repeat things over and over and it got on her nerves. Oh, I see. Grandma was about 88 then so excuse her if she'd repeat things over and over! How insensitive.

I am so very happy that I can have good memories about these people because of the relationships I cultivated with them. I am still friends with women I went to high school with. My first job at Ohio Bell Telephone Company, I made a good friendship with a woman named Paula. We were both 19 when we started that job. She called me the other night. We've kept in touch all these years. Another woman I met at Ohio Bell named Jenny, is still one of my dearest friends.

I can't fathom going through this life, knowing one day that I'm going to die, and not showing people close to me that I care. Relationships are really what this life is all about. I don't need a special time to give friends flowers, send a card or buy them a gift. I want them to know I feel they are special and I am blessed to have them in my life. I don't have "toxic relationships". I don't have time. I can't understand having people in your life that you choose, that bring you grief and pain. WHY?

People are flawed, no doubt. But, my value as a human being HAS to be recognzied and celebrated or I can't be your friend, lover or anything else. I don't understand "abusive relationships", I really don't. My mind can't comprehend those situations. First off, I know who I am and my worth. I know I deserve to be treated well and I treat others well so those kinds of men have no interest in me. I had a male friend tell me once that my body language was friendly but he noticed that when I walked down the hall at work, the vibes I also gave off said, "I am not a victim, so don't try it!" I had to laugh because I knew he was right. I'm glad it works. lol

I have had some wonderful platonic relationships over the years with men. Matter of fact, I have a very dear male friend that I've known for almost 10 years now. Our relationship is great, he knows the boundaries, has never crossed them and is like an uncle to my daughter. I trust him in every way and he even has a key to my home.

Culivating relationships takes trust, time and to a certain extent, vulnerability. But, it's so worth it. I truly can say I do not have a "bad" relationship with anyone in my life now. I feel badly that it's taken me so long to understand this, but at least I do understand it. Some people never get how important it is to have meaningful, deep, trusting relationships. Relationships are really what this life is all about.