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I hate cancer. It is a vile, cruel, evil, nasty devastating thing. There is nothing good about cancer and once again, it is breaking my heart..

I watched cancer take my step-daughter. We were close - she always called me Mama. She was 28 when she was diagnosed. My husband and I stayed by her side constantly. She was 28 when she died.

Two years after that, cancer took my husband. It was too late to do anything when they found it. They found it in February and he died in April.

Another two years and they told me that I had cancer. I was luckier than my my step daughter and husband. Mine was found in the very early stages. I suffered though the surgeries, the chemo and the radiation and later from the side effects of the treatments. But, I am a survivor.

Today I heard those terrible words once again. This time it is one of my best friends. Once again it is cancer . . . lung cancer. And yes, if you're wondering, she is a smoker. We all talked to her about cancer and smoking to no avail. Usually we just pissed her off when we asked her to stop. It is a terrible time to hear those terrifying words from your doctor. Christmas 2008 - her last Christmas. So much to do and so little time to do it. My eyes are red, swollen and I have a headache because I am one of those women who cry. I am crying for her because she is younger than me and it seems like she deserves to live a long, full life. I am crying for her daughters because she is the anchor in their lives and now they will have to find their way through life alone. I am crying for her grandson because he is just a toddler and will not have sweet memories of her because he will not remember the love she has lavished on him. I am crying for myself too because we know each other's secrets and together we have done all the things that good friends do. There are three of us who have always enjoyed each other's company . . . friends who are like sisters. Our children like each other and frequently join us for lunch. My children greet my friends with hugs and their children hug me. These many years there has been three of us on the phone, three of us spending the day together, three of us exchanging emails, three of us arguing, three of us laughing, three of us who rarely have a week go by without seeing each other.

Now how do I answer her question? Treatment will prolong her life but only by a very few months. Without treatment, she might live to see Valentine's Day. Everyone wants to live. I know the question is coming. When you know it is only a matter of months, do you skip the treatments take the pain killers and try to enjoy the time you have left, or do you fight it and suffer the weakness, nausea and pain that comes along with it? I can't answer the question for her. I know the decision is hers and it is the hardest decision she will ever have to make. No matter what decision she makes, I will be there when she needs me - even when she doesn't need me. Even so, I will still lose my friend.

I pray:
The LORD bless thee, and keep thee:
The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:
The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.