I didn't see how big you were when you first caught my eye. All I saw were those beautiful brown eyes full of soul, your ears tweaked out in that goofy pose. You completely stole my heart.
They took you out to meet me and still all I saw were those eyes.
You came to me with no hesitation, full of trust. And a look that said you were meant to be mine.
You got in the car without hesitation, you knew now you were safe.
How could someone just throw you away after six years of your unconditional love? Soon I would understand.
It wasn't until we got home and saw the look on Audy's face that I realized how big you were! All 80 pounds of you. With your big, beautiful golden coat. In our little living room you looked like a giant.
Audy's reaction didn't phase you in the least. You walked right up to her looking to be loved. You came to her waist but her fear melted away and she too fell in love.
Over the years we went through many changes together.
You had to learn to be a house dog, you couldn't just pee wherever you wanted. You had to learn to be groomed and be friends with children. You had to learn to share, you now had a sibling. Most of all you had to learn you were safe and you were loved.
It became clear that you had been abused and neglected. Your dislike of children came from being tortured. Some one hit your head one too many times and caused you to have problems with your hind legs and thought processing. Obviously no one ever groomed you, you hated it. And it sure looked like you weren't indoors too much and had to learn how to behave.
You gave unconditional love through the good and the bad times. You were beside me always. Sometimes like a shadow and would be shooed away. But that never deterred you, you loved and loved and loved.
When you became Audy's protector in her last weeks, never leaving her bedside, you gave her something she never expected. Comfort. She always saw you as my dog until then. Your devotion swelled her heart and gave her a feeling that she was special.
Our last years together were hard on you. A new puppy who annoyed you and took attention away from you. Your back legs started to give out and walks became shorter. A move to a new home without a big yard meant learning how to behave again, where to do your business, no more exploring the neighborhood when ever you could sneak out.
I could hear you saying you're too old for this! And now you had to go up and down stairs to boot. But you did.
And when you could no longer make it upstairs we knew the end was close.
Because you were so persevering about those stairs I felt when you couldn't do it anymore that would be when it would be time to say good bye.
Well that day came and my decision wasn't so resolved. It was more about seeing how much pain you were in. Every move you made hurt. Laying down, getting up, turning over I could feel your pain in my heart. It made me cry.
How do we make the decision? How do we let go? How do we know?????
Especially when you look at me with those soulful, loving eyes and those silly perked out ears?
For me it was watching your pain. Though you never whined or winced I could see it in your eyes. And it just didn't seem fair for me not to make a decision.
So my sweet boy, with love and pain in my heart I, hopefully, sent you to a place with no pain. And with much sadness and a broken heart said good bye to you yesterday after eight loving years.
But I still feel you here with me and always will.
I love you dear Zeke.
Good bye..........