~~From A Loving Mothers Heart to Yours~~

posted about 1 year ago, updated 24 minutes later

~From a Loving Mothers Heart to Yours ~

I had cancer when I was 16, and from the cancer I was never to have a child on my own.

As time marched on, I was married, and my husband and I decided to adopt a child. We were on a list, and waited for 3 long years. So in that time I had the babies room all decorated, and stalked with clothing.

And one day out of the blue we recieved a call to pick up our precious baby boy. I was on top of the world, and our son was the joy of our lives.

All through school he excelled, and was very popular, extremely intelligent, actually at 12 he was doing college graduate work. He was a magnet to everyone who crossed his path. Our home was always filled with friends, and he opened up our lives to so much.

Then at 17 he started to change, and a disease called schizophrenia came into our home, and took hold of our precious boy.And then our home was no longer full, and my son was taken back by the decline of his fellow human beings love.

I am the kind of mother, who would go to the depths Hell, and back to hold on to my child, and believe me I have!

I have a wonderful precious son, he is blessed, and he is a child of God/All That Is/ The Divine. He is my hero, and he has taught me to live outside the box, we place ourselves in. Open our hearts and minds, for life can change at anytime.And most important love all, at all times. Just because someone gets broken do not throw them away.

I usually try and keep my personal story low key, but sometimes when I hear comments about the mentally ill, I have to share with people, that I come in contact with those sweet souls everyday.

Until attention and energy are focused on those with schizophrenia, they will continue to be with us--gazing vacantly at the bare walls of deteriorating state hospitals, living in roach--infested boarding houses,haunting back alleys of the inner city as in some modern Twilight Zone. They stand mute, their backs to the walls of vacant buildings, the gargoyles of our civilization.

I've witnessed to many a parent or companion, throw a person away, so they are forced to live like an animal, and not take their medications. With love and help, they can have a real life.

One of my favorite movies is "A Beautiful Mind" and watch the trailer with the real Nash. It will softly educate the (normal) it is life through the eyes of a schizophrenic, it reminds me of my son.

I will close with a few words I have, been given, from the mentally ill themselves.

When I tell them I suffer from schizophreniia, I often get blank looks and sometimes a wary one. I have often felt that the mad cannot explain and the sane cannot comprehend.

Lost

Gigantic tides have overwhelmed me
I don't see anymore
Swept to the bottom of the
oceans floor.

The great pull has drawn me beneath
to the bottom
I can't hear anymore
What had he said?
I may never see home again
It feels that way
down here
Dead on the ocean floor
I'm so sad
I can't pull against the tow
I'm trapped
I'm gone
I'll never relive again
Somebody has pressed a pillow
against my face and
I can't breath

Mother Dearest, to me your the light in all my darkness~~

Words from my son.

This is dedicated to you my dear son, always you are my hero~

Comments

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1. about 1 year ago gceballos2 wrote:

We have two adopted sons... now almost 10 and 11. We became a family when they were 2 and 3. My oldest son suffered the most from neglect and abuse. They were removed from their birthparents at age mo and 17 mo so my younger son faired better at self esteem. I am on the internet all the time, read all I can and just love them and kiss them as much as possible. I cry when I think of all they may have been through or what they may be living in now if they were still with their uncaring foster home. Our boys are out life. I reach out to you in your pain. My oldest son has reactive attachment problems in addition to ADHD, leans towards depression, defiance etc. etc. My youngest seems to have "escaped" most of the emotional pain because he always had his "older" brother and because we became a family when he was only 2. We love these boys with all our heart and soul.
I am GAD (general anxiety disorder) as well as control issues and my oldest son has adopted some of my worst habits, therefore it takes a lot of understanding between us but the deep love is there however the day to day stuff goes.
We keep them active in sports and school and participate fully in everything they do.
I wouldn't trade a moment since they came into our lives.
Best wishes and much love to you.

2. about 1 year ago chameleon6 wrote:

MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. I WISH PEOPE WOULDN'T FEAR THE MENTALITY CHALLENGED. WE'RE ALL CHALLENGED IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. PEACE!!!

3. about 1 year ago ASRAI wrote:

Unconditional love is the key~~Hugs~~ to you all for your comments~

4. about 1 year ago robert1947 wrote:

Bless you. I have a daughter that is bi-polar and know the hard work and dedication that it takes every day.

5. about 1 year ago CoffeeGoddess wrote:

Blessings to you and your son's, nothing in life seems to be easy, nor was it promised to be. Bad things happen to good people and we all do our very best to assist others, you certainly have. Your children were gifted a beautiful, caring, dedicated mother. Without you it could have been so much worse. Mental illness is so prevalent, it is one of those afflictions that is not visible to the eye yet. Your love and constant presence have no doubt been a stabilizing influence in the development of these 2 boys. Thank you for doing what you do. So many other's do not have the resources or your determination.

6. about 1 year ago Rae60 wrote:

What a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing with us. My son has alcohol and drug addiction problems and I also believe there are other issues that led to this that he is denying. He is 36 yrs old. Again, as a child he was very outgoing and creative and in his 20's things changed that I saw. He says he always felt different, but I failed to see it. We need to pray for all these children and hope they can be helped with our love. I know of some people who have bipolar disorder and that is also very difficult to treat but as long as they stay on their medications life can be better.

Thank you

7. about 1 year ago RochelleRochelle wrote:

There is no love more enduring than the love between a parent and child. Words I type here are inadequate to express how I feel reading this - but what shines through the most is how much you cherish each other, and that is beautiful beyond words.


"Love makes us infinite."

8. about 1 year ago CurlieDee007 wrote:

I don't have a child with this condition, but my mother was mentally ill all of my younger years. A paranoid schizophrenic,it was horrible to watch.This was in the '50's. At times she got so "sick" the police had to come ,handcuff her, and haul her to the hospital, with all her little children watching this mindblowing incident. It wasn't until she was about 45-50 that she was finally given medication to help calm this monster lurking inside her.She did alright after that, but before that she was in and out of mental hospitals for years.,,So sad!!

9. about 1 year ago MzRita wrote:

I understood too well what you shared here. My youngest brother, who was 2 years older than me, was also schizophrenic. I understand that there are varying degrees of this disease, but all types of it are challenging at best. I will spare you all that I witnessed and all that I walked through during his life time. He was a good but tormented soul and I loved him very much. My brother died from cancer when he was only 39. He asked that his brain be donated to science upon his death, so that this disease could be better understood,and a cure might be found, or better treatments discovered, in the hope that others might be spared what he endured. His brain/mind often failed him, but his heart was perfect and made of gold.

10. about 1 year ago okhela wrote:

Thank you, Asrai, for this blog. Our oldest son is a victim of paranoid schizophrenia. As young parents, his mother and I were not aware of the warning signs of his adolescent onset. Although we made mistakes, I believe our relationship today is a result of the unwavering unconditional love he experienced.

11. 10 months ago Cincyjim wrote:

I, too tell my daughter that she is a hero, and she surely is in the heroic struggle she has made with her own illness, both Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder. People are afraid of what they do not understand, and mental illness is the modern day equivallent to what Leprosy once was. Your poignant words describe so very well the isolating effect of mental illness. Often those who would otherwise consider themselves to be sensitive, compassionate, and caring are just as quick to turn away as all others when faced with mental illness. The same is true of people who consider themselves people of Faith. Yet it is not the words we speak, nor the places we chose to be seen that are a reflection of our spiritual walk, but rather the example we set, and how we chose to conduct ourselves, whether anyone else is paying attention or not. Yet even when the mentally ill are out of touch with reality, they are never beyond love and compassion. So often it may be the very lifeline that makes the difference between being grounded in reality, or being cast adrift in hopeless despair. Perhaps that is the very thing that frightens so many who cannot face something that none are immune to. Just as many cannot face the dying, or do not know what to say, knowing that we all must come to grips with it someday, but dreading the reality of it, they cannot face "there but by the Grace of God go I." Yet the greatest horror of mental illness is not the disease, as bad as it is, but the abandonement and isolation for so many. You have done well in describing it.
Jim

12. 8 months ago MistyBlueWolf wrote:

i AM ASHAMED TO SAY i NEVER READ YOUR BLOG MY DAREST FRIEND~~tHIS BROKE MY HEART AND YET FILLED ME WITH A COMFORT~~As you know my calling a Registerd Nurse has taken me to care and nurture these wonderful people in which a disease has tried to rob them of their life. I would not trade being their nurse for anything. I hug them and kiss them and even tell them I love them. They need someone to stand in proxy for them when their family can't be there. I advocate for them always. I have had a few fired for the way I saw them treat them when they thought I was not around.
Some of my patients I have followed sinced 1987. I am VERY close to them and them to me. Just the other evening one of these patients, came up to the nurses counter and she layed her head down on it~~I was doing work on the computor. I looked up and gently asked "What is wrong C.....? She looked at me and said " Please don't leave." I assured her I was not going anywhere. She said promise, I replied, "promise" She I believe remembers when I was a nurse manager on another unit..and she saw me packing up my office personal stuff for I resigned. She has fear I will go again. I was gone for two years..When I went back to work with these special patients she just HAPPENED to have been transferred to the unit I was re hired at. They are special and I learn so much from them. Their sensitivty, humor and yes, the hell they can go through. I just want to be their LIGHT as well, and I know I am. That is what keeps the light around me my mermaid. You are the LIGHT as well. They see that light despite the darkness that tries to swallow their souls..as long as they have light they have life.
I love you and you are a brave, wonderful soul~~~~~~~~Wolfy