• • In case you think that Wall Street's economic bungee cord has snapped back into place, you must take into account that the gold standard for measuring hard times — — the High End Girlfriend Index — — is still off the charts.
• • If the HEGI is an unfamiliar term, then it's obvious your portfolio is not worth much [according to the S&P Index] nor have you read Bonfire of the Vanities.
• • The HEGI is charted by Edward Hayes, a notable attorney who began his career in The Big Apple as a lowly Bronx homicide prosecutor — — but who has become the go-to guy among Manhattan's money mavens when promises are broken and you can't even give her Arpege.
• • Edward Hayes has his eyes, not unlike Janus, on both sides — — i.e., if you happen to be a former Lear-jet-owning gazzillionaire or a beauty in trouble due to a boyfriend's sudden financial anemia.
• • The model for the defense lawyer in Tom Wolfe's "Bonfire of the Vanities," Edward Hayes is a sharp-eyed schooner when it comes to navigating the sea of social archetypes, including that peculiar sort of fishy schlub who was invisible to girls in high school but became a magnetic Alpha-male thanks to the magic of millions.
• • One pretty lady turned to Edward Hayes, distraught because her banker boyfriend had given her a multimillion-dollar house, only to siphon off its value with what might be called a sub-slime mortgage.
• • "I went and had a talk with him," Hayes explains, "and it got straightened out."
• • A kissing cousin of the HEGI is the High End Stripper Index. Alas, those pole-dancers with enormous pulchritude are doing no better than the well-kept "Other Women" you see ducking into limousines.
• • This column will discuss the plight further in an upcoming installment. Meanwhile, stay away from the ledge, honey. Don't give the street cleaners more to do.

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• • Born in Brooklyn, NY, Mae West came into the world on 17 August 1893.
• • Over 2 dozen individuals came up to see Mae on August 17th and celebrate with us in New York, NY!
• • Come up and see Mae West onstage — —
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Mae West's Facebook profile

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