My Father In Law is being buried today and I can't be there or should I say I'm not wanted there. You see my husband divorced me last year. After almost 30 years of standing by his side, supporting him at every turn and working my ass off for him and for our life together I was tossed out like yesterday newspaper. Some young thing from Brazil wiggled her ass in front of his face and he couldn't get rid of me fast enough. Why do some women feel they have the right to waltz in and take someone else's life away from them? Can they not know the pain they cause?? Can they be happy in a relationship like that? Can my ex feel no guilt for doing this to me? Can men really turn off their feelings so easily for one woman and turn to another?

The thing is I realized this last week with the death of my father in law is that I didn't just lose a husband, I also lost my Mother in law, 3 sisters, 3 brothers, and 15 nieces and nephews. When we divorced they all rallied around me and even took my side, telling me I would always be a part of the family but I found out... from the obituary... that 2 grandchildren have been added to the family which means 2 weddings took place since I left.. 2 weddings and 2 births I wasn't told about or invited too. My family and I aren't close at all so for 30 years his family was the only family I had. My husband was the oldest child so we watched all his brothers and sister grow up and I was a bridesmaid in some of their weddings and we were all thrilled with every baby that was born. We had family reunions every 2 years so we would stay close. We all lived in different cities but we visited each other all the time. I opened my house to them over and over, so much so that they jokingly referred to it as a Bed and Breakfast. I had a life and it is all gone now.

I am truly starting over. Most days I am excited about my new life but not today. Today I mourn the lose of not just my father in law but my whole existence.