The last few weeks have been chaotic and extremely emotionally charged for me. If I could compare my life to hurricanes, I would say that for several years, it has been a tropical storm. Over the past few months, it has slowly built to a hurricane category 4. I say 4 because a 5 would mean a point of no return...that would be a BIG NO NO.

Saturday, when Hurricane Hannah hit New York City, I'll tell you what happened to me.

I had been putting off running out early to buy some stuff I needed to make some beef and vegetable soup and to pick up my medication from the pharmacy. I was already into day 4 without it (for my peripheral neuropathy). The pain in my feet were now unbearable. We were being warned that the storm should hit us at around 4pm. All morning I dragged my feet cause I was physically and mentally exhausted. I realized that I began to feel the anxiety of the 9/11 anniversary. The 5th anniversary of my moms death on October 11. The 5th anniversary of my 15 year old nephew's death on October 20, 4 days after we bury my mom. He was killed on the A train while train surfing on a dare from his school mates. The 4th anniversary, September 25, of another nephew's death killed in a double murder suicide. The 2nd anniversary September 24, of one of my best friends of 30 years who died of a botched up gastric bypass. The 7th anniversary of my brother and best friend who I lost to cancer on November 18. And the 7th Anniversary of 911. I am one of the fortunate survivors who escaped the horrors of the 9/11 attack. Stay tuned for my post on 9/11 as I will write about the anatomy of that day for me.

It was now 3pm and I finally pinned my hair up, jumped in my jeans, threw on a tangerine tshirt top and my walking shoes. No makeup, no preening, "Yuck" I said to myself. I didn't care. I was going to walk quickly cause I did not want to get caught in the rain and the market is about 3/4 of a mile from where I live.

Half way there, it started to drizzle so I picked up my pace. On the way, a big heavy-set woman looking a little distraught on a corner with a young girl stopped me and asked me if she could use my cell phone to call her son to pick her up. There are still a lot of beggars, hustlers and panhandlers in Harlem and I was a little reluctant. I dialed the number for her and I heard her leave a message. Living in NYC all my life, I expected that she might take off with my cell phone. I began to gear up as I knew I'd be able to run faster than her even with my pained feet. I had bought a cherry icy and was truly enjoying it when I noticed the little girl staring at me. She batted her beautiful dark eyes with curly lashes and said, "I love cherry ices". Of course I didn't want to give her mine but I noticed one of the icy cart vendors rushing by to get out of the rain. I stopped her and made her scrape a cherry icy for this little girl. The lady thanked me and the little girl forgot I was even there while she furiously licked her icy.

I finally made it to the market a little wet. Big bins were filled with fruits and vegetables on "sale" (way pass their peak). I wanted nothing but "fresh" vegetables for my soup. Bunches of flowers pre-packaged were wilted from the dense humidity. I thought to myself, "What idiot would buy flowers like that?" Bunches of daisies caught my eye but they looked like they desperately needed water. This is a very small and narrow store and the isles could probably comfortably fit a woman no larger than a size 5. It was a very tight fit but I was determined to take my time selecting the perfect vegetables for my beef soup. Along comes another large size woman trying to do the same. Each time she tried to pass me in the isle, we had a few "cheek to cheek" encounters, or her huge breasts would scrape my face something I was not enjoying. It became comical and we finally made a truce. I offered to go to the other side of the store and let her get what she needed as I was in no big hurry any more.

Finally she was done! I rushed to the isle and again began to carefully select my veggies. The recao and cilantro, the garlic, the celery, the yucca, the yautia, the calabaza, the corn, the carrots, the platanos, everything was carefully hand picked. By the time I checked out, I had a full basket of stuff and wondered how I was going to manage an umbrella. By now, the storm had picked up and it was pouring buckets. I have a big canvas bag with a shoulder strap when I go shopping and I packed it very carefully. I still ended up with 2 heavy bags to carry in my hands. I step out under the awning of the store and the rain is getting heavier by the minute. No way could I hold up an umbrella. It was at that moment that I had a "Brain Storm". I went back and bought a small bunch of those white daisies that no idiot would buy. I asked them to cut the stem down to about 6 inches. I proceeded to carefully stick the daisies in my hair. Naturally, everyone was looking at me with cell phones in hand getting ready to call 911 as they thought I had lost my mind. I strapped the heavy canvas bag carefully over my shoulder, picked up the other 2 heavy bags and walked out of the store to start my journey back home. The rain water began to immediately soak me from head to toe. I can't tell you how liberating that felt. I began to pray as I walked with the heavy bags in the rain asking God to please cleanse my mind with this rain water and to fill my mind and heart with his light and wisdom. "Wash away my fears, my pain and clear my mind enough to be able to think straight and do the right things." The more I walked the heavier the bags became. In my mind I began to realize that these bags represented the burdens of my life. I made these bags heavy and now I was determined not to let them weigh me down before I reached my destiny. I prayed for God to help me remove all these negative people from my life but most importantly from my mind and heart. I prayed that my mind no longer entertain thoughts of fast-talking, lying men with a gift of "gab" who have always told me what they mean, but never mean what they say. Thank God I know the difference. They attempt to fill my head with words of love but whose actions say differently. They say they love me but are never ready to learn how to love me. I prayed that when I go back to work this week, that I could deflect the misery and unhappiness some people have in their lives and try to punish me and hold me responsible for it. I prayed for my dad, my grandkids, my son, my sisters, this country and yes...world peace. Finally I prayed for my health.

As the rain pounded the daisies in my hair, the petals trickled down my face and my tears began to blend with the rain and petals. I began to call out my mom's name and ask her to fill me with her strength and wisdom. For some reason, I truly began to feel better almost immediately. After walking about 4 long blocks like this, I noticed the bus come so I jumped on to take me home the rest of the way. Immediately all eyes were on me as I still had daisies in my hair and petals all over my face. I also had not noticed that the rain had soaked my tshirt and white bra and both were clinging to my breasts. I didn't realize that my nipples were showing through. I would usually be embarrassed but I looked down and said to myself "So what. If women and men walk around showing crack everywhere, what's the problem with showing a nipple or two LOL. That clearly was not my intent. Just when I was about to get off the bus, one of the plastic bags in my hands busted and my veggies rolled off and down the steps of the bus onto the street. Right behind me was a very tall, Black, handsome man (I figured him to be in his late 40s). He had the same type plastic bags I had but his were doubled. He helped me pick up my goods and put them in one of the bags he had emptied. We were now getting soaked in front of a Duncan Donuts and I thanked him profusely and didn't want to take up more of his time. As I was about to walk away, he gently grabbed my arm and said, "No. Thank YOU." I was a bit perplexed by his response and asked, "why are you thanking me?". He replied with a wicked smile on his face showing the prettiest teeth and said, "If you let me buy you a cup of coffee or whatever you like to drink, I'll tell you why. I felt like after what he did, I couldn't refuse. We got some napkins to dry our wet faces, introduced ourselves and he bought me a latte and ordered a cappuccino for himself. We sat and he looked at me and said, "I saw you back at the fruit/vegetable market but you didn't notice me. I observed how kind you were to that lady that kept pushing you in the isle and I admired that you let her get first pickings of the stuff you were trying to get although you were there first. I noticed how patient and friendly you were to her. I noticed when you let 2 people go ahead of you in line cause they had less items than you. I noticed how friendly and courteous you were to the Korean checkout lady. I noticed when you came back to buy the daisies and then put them in your hair. I thought then you were fascinating and intriguing but you took off before I could say something. I could not believe when I saw you board the bus. I looked at you soaked with white petals against your pretty dark skin and I thought you were one of the prettiest women I have ever seen. I knew then I had to say something to you before you got off the bus. I noticed a nice young man offer his seat to you but you turned him down so sweetly and told him you were getting off in two stops and so was I. When your bag broke as you were getting off, I looked up and said to myself "Thank you Jesus"".

How did I miss him in the market I thought to myself. I claim to be so sharp eyed and I would have noticed him. We sat laughed and talked about a lot of things including work. It turns out he's a sociology professor at City College in Harlem. We spoke about old Harlem vs. new. He said he usually drives but he felt like walking that day. Although I did not tell him the details of my troubles, he said he had noticed the hurt in my eyes and offered me some very comforting advice about life. His words and mellow tone of voice just helped soothe and quiet my mind. After 2 hours chatting with him, I felt as if we were old friends. After another latte, a split bow tie and invigorating conversation, we parted and I made it back home. When I walked through the door, I put my bags down went to the bathroom and stripped off everything right there. I grabbed a fresh plush bath sheet, went to my bedroom, spread it open on my bed, laid on my stomach and drifted off to sleep. A really deep sleep...something I haven't done in years...nap in the middle of the day. In fact, I've been a chronic insomniac and I barely sleep.

When I woke up, it was night time and my beautiful all white cat Bianca, was snuggled at my side in a deep sleep too. I got up and looked out the window and he rain was now a mere drizzle. I felt a mental peace I had not felt in a very long time. Forget about making soup, I'll make it tomorrow I said. I felt the hurricane in my life was now back to a manageable tropical storm. I went to the fridge, popped open an ice cold Coronita and gulped it down. I came on Eons to share some great music I had put together for my friends in Somos Latinos. Later, I jumped in the shower, washed the flowers out of my hair and my hair smelled so pretty. I then filled the tub with nice warm water, poured some lavender fragrances in it, lit some fragrant candles in my bathroom, put on a CD I have of smooth jazz, poured myself a cognac, turned off the lights and slipped into the tub. Before I took my first sip of cognac I took a deep breath, tipped my glass up in the air, slowly exhaled and said...

"Thank you Jesus"!

WHAT A FANTASTIC SATURDAY NIGHT!!!

Chuleta