Greetings, darlings! It’s time again for a fresh bout of gossip meandering (some might say “mongering”). Whether you are a cutie pie or contrarian, crusty curmudgeon or cooing chanteuse, a charismatic coquette, cocky city guy or a tres chic chatelaine … let’s come together and DISH.. C what I mean? You will . Just remember I gave you this hint at the beginning: C for coincidence.
Say WHAAAT? Say I will start off with, hmmmmm… well, dishing reminds me of dirt which leads me to think about gardening ( and gardeners and, frankly, pool boys..oooh, la la… but I’m digressing already) and that detours us right into Iggy Pop. You know, the perpetually gnarly muscled and rough and leanly tough looking , former stick-the-needle-in-his-arm-while-on-stage punk rock musician and all that. And now he’s a gardening aficionado, of sorts.
Who’d a thunk it way back when, sweeties! Now he is busy supporting a kiddy flower garden for charity . And no, do NOT make any poppy or pot plant jokes. It’s a real garden at the Chelsea Flower Show named after his song “Lust for Life” ( which was featured in the l996 flick “Trainspotting”, dontcha know). The UK Children's Society says the garden was inspired by his music and it features an arc of water programmed to the beat of “Lust for Life” .
Iggy. Pop. What does that bring to mind.. oh, yes , Pop Goes the Weasel, and WEASEL of course, brings up Bill “I Can Twist Any Factoid I Want And Bully Anyone But Don’t You Dare Mention My Private Life And Those Sexual Harassment Charges” O’Reilly. I guess you can tell how much I respect the blithering blowhard buffoon view link.
Anyhoo, seems that researchers at Indiana University have published the results of a study that documents Faux News' resident bully’s bully techniques. The academic paper, subtitled "Revisiting World War Propaganda Techniques," shows Mr. Doublespeak’s claim that he doesn’t "do personal attacks” is part of his bogus operandi. In fact, O’Reilly calls someone an insulting name every 6.8 seconds during his “fair and balanced” (oh, PUHLEAZE) editorials each night. Jeepers, darlings, they needed RESEARCHERS to figure this out??
While chit chatting about the boob tube, we have some fabulous news… about BBC America ( the only digital cable channel that has won four Golden Globes and a parcel of Peabodys, it’s now in over 54 million homes, mostly passionate, smart EONS types!) It’s undergoing a makeover and the new lineup looks glorious, sweeties.. Especially boomericious -- "Wicked Wednesday" is bad babe focused and , I just heard, we’ll be seeing eternally sexy and femme fatale-ish Joan Collins that night… she has joined the cast of "Footballers Wive$." Even more thrilling to moi, the brilliant Jennifer Saunders of “Ab Fab” fame is writing, producing and starring in “The Life and Times of Vivienne Vyle" on “Comedy Saturday” --- it’s about a talk show host and my UK friends say expect a mix of Oprah on speed, Jerry Springer in drag and the best of “ Ab Fab” type hilarity. CAN’T WAIT!!!
But you know who IS tired of waiting for someone? Jane “ I Finally Found A Hairdo I Like And I Won’t Give It Up” Fonda is, if my nosey sources are right. To be precise, darlings, she’s fed up with a forever-unnamed-in-THIS-column-brat. She was tired of waiting for said hard partying brat actress on the set , tired of waiting for said actress to sober up and fly right, so to speak, and just tired of the whole tittering diva-of-the-moment posturing.
So Miss Fonda does NOT want the (fresh-out-of-instant-rehab and now lip locking a female D.J.) brat to show up at an upcoming charity benefiting premiere of the flick “Georgia Rule”. Apparently Jane thinks good manners and professionalism should rule in film biz and we say, “ BRAVA, darling!” ( have your people call my people when you’re in town, sweetie, and we’ll do lunch at Angel ..)
Another strong lady is making some judgment calls --- Aretha Franklin the glorious is among a panel of seven who has been auditioning hopefuls this week to star is “From These Roots" . No, it is not the heart rending story of the Queen of Soul’s many hairstyles over the decade , it’s her life story and it’s expected to open in Detroit next spring. Hopefuls came from all over the country to the Detroit try-outs but who will play the part of Aretha? No one is saying but overheard at a Hollywood power lunch: Jennifer Hudson , the American Idol loser who won an Oscar, has a super duper good shot at it.
Speaking of people who have REAL talent and those who don’t --- Good golly, Miss Molly! The incredibly talented formerly-known-as-a-symbol-thingy fab one, Prince, just gets better and better… le sigh….and I LOVE this recent stage move….. Although his PR types deny it, my spies say he called another LaLa Land party brat ( not that same one who supposedly has Jane peeved but another one who shall also remain nameless in this column forEVAH, mon cher) up on stage recently in Vegas and invited her to sing.. to REALLY sing.. Alone. With a microphone, not with a ton of overdubbing and echo chambers.. and she fled the stage in tears.. kind of makes me get all teary-eyed myself, I’m laughing so hard at the image…BWHAHAHAHAHAHA… but I will stop because I’m not wearing water-proof mascara. I have my priorities in order, you know, darlings.
Vegas leads me to a mea culpa. I told you last week, sweeties, that rumor had it Cher was in talks to take over the Caesar’s Palace gig after Celine Dion ‘s contract was up… nope, Cher’s not doing it… but the DIVINE MISS M, is! Yes, Bette Midler is taking her show to Vegas. To be exact, it will be a spectacular spectacle called “The Showgirl Must Go On” .
She opens in February of next year and I would love to be at the opening show! Can you imagine?? The SONGS, the hilarious patter, the sequins, the CLEAVAGE!! ( Aside to Bette: doll, you can have comps sent to moi via Eons … and if you should need another Harlette , I’m willing, ready! Have stilettos, have mini-skirts, have cleavage and have chutzpah! will travel!)
And now we get to the COINCIDENCE part I started out with , cuties. Remember Iggy and the “Lust for Life” item? Well, get this! I just heard that Bette Midler will co-star in a new movie called ---- TA DA! – “ LUST FOR LIFE” and it has nothing to do with Iggy or Vincent Van Gogh, either, for that matter.
Nope. It’s a new Disney film co-starring Richard Dreyfus ( they were soooo funny together in 1986's Down and Out In Beverly Hills, in which Nick Nolte played a nasty looking disheveled bum, a look he apparently decided to stick with from then on…) The plot? A 70-year-old widower (Dreyfuss), causes his family and friends to worry he’s gone made when he retires and turns into a romantic free spirit… sounds like fun and perfect for Richard (who inexplicably went from boyish visage to looking like a little old man, skipping middle-age altogether.. let’s hope just hanging with Bette and working on this flick will jolt his joie de vivre and put some roses back into his cheeks, as my momma would say!).
That’s it for now, darlings. Come back soon and add your own picks, pans, snits , fits and celeb sightings ! In the meantime, go out there and do something so BOOMingly exciting, people exclaim, “ It’s been eons since anyone’s seen such a lust of life around here!!!”
